Sebast... CRAZIE!!!

2012-01-23T03:11:00.002+08:00

quite a good time for me to post possibly a long long long post after such a long while. since i'm in the mood now, and i've got the time. let's not mention too much about how much i've been through for the past idk how long i havent posted. but let's just seize the moment and blog about whats current. =D

i guess its very true how much people actually change and mature after what they've gone through over the years. met up with gilbert and daniel the other day after their last O'level paper. and indeed, they have no doubt grown to be more mature, albeit still childish and playful and yearning for attention at times. but they no longer are the same as before. those little, innocent boys who once gave me so much trouble, so much heartache. was chatting with jerron a while ago, and i got the same feeling. the boy who once made me feel like i had 4 little devils to handle instead of the original 3, has transformed into a mature, confident young man who knows to balance right from wrong, who knows self-control, self-discipline to complete whatever he has set out to do. probably that's his key to his great O level's results! CONGRATS! =D

i chanced upon the drama graduation video made for their batch. frankly, i saw change. ELDDS has indeed grown. from the small part of the drama club which basically did improvisations and games, to one which clinched silvers at SYFs, and then to one which got invitations to perform in the school's bi-annual performance, to one which is able to stand on its own and hold their own mini-performance, and then eventually clinching the prestigious GWH for SYF 2011. the growth is indeed outstanding!

forget about the latest video not having "Say Goodbye" as the theme song, but the current batch's smiles, hugs, togetherness and their love, care and concern for each and every one seem so real, so genuine. that's probably something we used to work for, but we didnt get. now, it's finally achieved. indeed, ELDDS has come a long long way.

i got to know there are actually at least 3 ELDDS groups on fb. different groups for different batches. i guess its part and parcel, you just cant expect to be there all the time. you've got to move on. really, the teachers are mostly gone, my little ones have officially GRADUATED, my CCA probably wont recognise me anymore. in other words, my time in NCHS is up. i do hope one day we'll all get to know each other, form an ELDDS alumni, and continue to push ELD to even greater heights and one day make it an indispensable part of NCHS. but that will probably just be a wish.

alright, that's about all for NCHS and those little ones. i guess.

back to my life over the past few !@#$%^days i didnt post. in fact, i really did feel like posting something sometimes. partially to not allow my blog to look so dead, and at the same time, the vent out frustrations which possibly were on the verge of pushing me to eruption. (yes, im sure you can imagine how bad it was) but thankfully that chapter has come to a close. i've completed my class 3 mil driving course. while the process was grueling and hard, and to a certain extent, i hated some of the D.I.s during the training, at the end of the day, as usual, i thank them for their teaching and help they have given me.

but just to share something which kept me motivated, especially towards the end of the course as all the pressure were building up.

to those who're out there facing problems, facing troubles, stressing out for their projects, here's something which may help you de-stress, and chill out! ALL THE BEST!

and of course, how can i miss this on CNY,

新年快乐！

2011-12-27T19:00:00.000+08:00

if one day it so happens that you child develops some difficulty in his learning abilities, if one day your child need to take a longer time to understand and digest new information and knowledge, if one day your child decides to go on the wrong path, would you give up so easily? would you give up after merely a few times of repeating the same advice, or just after a few nagging? even if you did give up, would you want to make others give up on him?
THINK ABOUT IT.

to think i thought so well of you, but you actually are just a two-faced devil who bites people behind their back. so much for the benefit of the doubt. you are just like the others, looking nice on the outside, while keeping a devil deep within. no, you're worse. you don't just try to look nice, you try to make yourself seem oh-so-friendly and approachable, and then make so many negative comments about your trainees behind their back. CUT THE ACT, SERIOUSLY!

deep down inside me, i won't know whether if one day your child will turn out to be my student or not. but if he did, i don't think you will appreciate it or even accept it, if i were to treat him the way you treated me. you may have already given up hope on me, but i don't see why you should or even need to make others do the same.

2011-11-17T00:06:00.001+08:00

i guess it's really been a life-transforming experience for me so far. after 8 months in service. today i officially get promoted. once again, no longer a private. but a lance corporal. it's definitely a journey which changes or rather, forces us to mature from boys to men. from the innocent blur sotongs, to confident young men.

i guess its really been my pleasure to have been able to meet so many people of so different personalities, different characters, different mindsets. i'm really beginning to believe that things actually really happen for a reason, and we can really take charge and make any and every event or happening in our lives a turning point. as much as i wanted to be in command sch, i was denied the chance. i jolly well know the reason, and i really believe that the reason as to why i failed for command school was somewhat dumb. of course, being a man was what i saw coming, since i know i kinda failed qualifying for command school in the first place.

i remember mr kwek saying, "its really about yourself, do you want to be a small fish in a big pond, or a big fish in a small pond". i guess at many junctures in my life now. i have chose to be the small fish in the big pond, where i struggle to survive, but at the same time, grow bigger and stronger. i guess in NS, i've been thrown into a situation whereby i dont exactly have a choice. to be frank, i do feel like a big fish in the small pond at times. but really, i should continue to be humble. i mean, i really am not that good yet.

i find it quite amusing how people transform, how people change just because they are thrown into different environments, different situations. no names mentioned here. but its just, people can change for the better, because they expect a 'reward'. people can change for the worse, because they no longer see the 'incentive' of being good. i guess what KS said was true, it was up to each and every one of us, as individuals, to decide how we wanted to fill up the missing gaps after he left. come to think of it, i again feel that both of us do have very similar traits, similar mindsets. especially the part about helping people, being 'selfless' in a way, making sure things go the right way as much as possible, correcting wrong actions as much as possible. but of course, i'd say im really far, far from his standards.

there really are times when i wished for KS to be around, to help me settle the wrong stuff which i see, but yet cannot do anything about. but again, sebastian never fails. xDxD for those who know me, you know im the emotional kind. on one hand my mind tells me "hey, something's wrong. go do something about it.", yet on the other hand "but that person is not going to listen, he's gonna get upset and pissed off at me." i really want to know, and to learn how exactly to strike the balance between doing what i think is right VS what others think is right.

anyway, back to myself being a man instead of a commander. it really feels good to be one of the tops among your own people. its just like you're the top few in class, of course, that also means you would not want to slip downwards. i must admit that i really enjoyed my time as a man so far. and given a choice, i'd still choose the same path. cliched as it may be, but if i choose this path of lesser pay, lesser command, lesser 'pride', but get the same buddies as i get now. go through the same things i go through. i'll definitely choose this same old path, coz it has made me grow, mature, and allowed me to see things i probably would not have seen and experience first hand, as a commander.

2011-10-14T20:49:00.005+08:00

again, its been some time since i last posted. as usual, the feeling does come. but always dies down, either before i finish blogging, or even before i start blogging. hopefully i'll complete a proper one today. HAH!

been a rather eventful week i'd say. been tasked det comd once again. the umpteenth time as a signaller/singal trainee. i like the feeling. i like being det comd. although its the idk how many time im being det comd, this time was the time when i really blew up the hopes on me. =( day 1 i was crushed by poor planning, poor teamwork, poor decision making, and yes, a rather screwed up team. i ended the day being the det that had the most manpower, but took the longest time. and naturally, with the highest hopes on me, i blew it.

then day 2, we planned, we spoke, we decided, but only to be thrown a last minute change. overall, i still think we were being unfairly judged to a certain extent, probably still due to the extreme high expectations on me, but i guess the take away was far bigger. my teammates had been able to make personal developments since its their first time doing those roles, and we met the time limit, and also, it really wasnt as bad as we said it to be. but probably we're still not up to standard. and maybe i should have spoke up more to protect my men. so, its yet another screw up, yet another disappointing performance by me.

day 3. no more det comd, just attachees. teamed up with shawn again. i still really believe we have a good working relationship. if given a chance to choose my partners, i'll surely ranking him as one of the top few. anyway, did well on day 3. finally. =D

excercise ended and then i was thrown duty coz the original duty personnel extended his MC. initially its a "DAMN!" reaction in my heart, but after doing the duty, actually it isnt quite bad. i probably have broken that barrier between myself and the oldies. =D and i even bettered my 4km run timing. again! now im running slightly under 21. hopefully it's gna be under 20 nxt time! =P

2011-09-28T23:29:00.002+08:00

a quote which i somehow can relate to which i came across recently:

"Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair but manifestations of strength and resolution"
- Khalil Gibran

2011-09-28T22:07:00.002+08:00

a rather short week this week. or should i say. it was is a very short week. hence my booking out on a wednesday, and of course, my sudden post on a wednesday night.

first of all, ALL THE BEST TO MY KIDS TAKING PSLE TOMORROW! I REALLY REALLY HOPE TO HEAR GOOD NEWS FROM ALL OF YOU, although i really have only took you all for probably a week or so? still, like what nadiy said to me the other day on fb, it may have been a short time together, but those are still memories, right? so naturally, this emotional sentimental sebastian here will be and always has been missing each and every one of you, hoping for the best for you all.

anyway, life's been rather slack in my new unit now. supposedly a open-sensitive unit, so shall not name it here. but yea, life's good there. although its abit toooo slack and boring. the people inside are, by far, nice people. some may appear stern and fierce, but actually are not. some may appear to be not very friendly, but i guess inside them, they are nice people too. some are really hard to work with, but well, things wont be so smooth-sailing everytime. the feeling of wanting to post has been so strong inside camp, especially during those boring moment which most of us will spend lying on the bed. but outside, now, the feeling just disappears. or goes into hiding. oh well, shall just end here for now. hopefully i'll have the mood AND ability to blog again soon.

2011-09-03T08:59:00.003+08:00

have been wanting to do such a post for a long time now, but since everything has come to an end in SI. probably i should reflect about the past 8 weeks inside. i guess its not exactly what i've learnt in terms of technical knowledge, but its more of what i've experienced, what i've been through.

first of all, the people. frankly, being merely a man after going through BMT and seeing all your other friends get into command school. it's painful. especially when you know very well, what killed you was not that you couldnt lead, but that you couldnt pass the physical requirements. but for the past 8 weeks, i guess the down period is over. coz i have seen, i have experienced, i have witnessed that its proud to be a man, and on top of that, a signaller, coz you're of high importance to commanders, and people there still possess strong leadership skills and probably were like me - could have went to command school, but somehow didnt due to various reasons.

i meet people of different sorts, my buddy teckchye who appears to be like typical gangsters (quite sad to be leaving him actually. =X), my bunkmate ryan who was an ex-commando trainee, my bunkmate allan who was a SCS dropout, a 3sg siva who decided SAF wasnt the place for him afterall, an ex-LTA kangseng who although lost his rank still has the charisma and motivation of an officer, a comedian cheeyong who never fails to put the laughter on others, a blur and therefore cute ehyeow who likes reverse psychology alot, and really, the list goes on.. i guess sergeant and encik can never be more lucky to get another platoon like us, really. in terms of standard, we were up there. in terms of unity, well, not very united, but still quite united. in terms of helping each other, working along with each other, supporting each other, we did great. like what i've always been saying inside there, although this 8 weeks is almost half of the time i spent in BMT, it's better. not to say my bmt was bad, but its just better.

come sunday will be the platoon cohesion, i foresee not everyone will turn up, given that not everyone has the off-in-lieu since some have to RTU, but i do hope most will turn up. i do hope somehow sergeant can give us a copy of the platoon photo we took on insignia day, let us know how we actually did for tenacity.

that aside, i'm actually quite happy to go back to my new unit with almost half the platoon. yes, the distance is really slightly far, but i chose it. it wasnt exactly an easy decision, but yes, i guess most would know if they know me, in such situations, it's friendships that i prioritise. not to say those who went to SIB arent my friends, but just that the closer ones whom i blend in better with are mostly going to C4I.

all the best to everyone! (: the 8 weeks have been great! and hope to see you all soon! =D

2011-08-27T12:19:00.002+08:00

almost the end of course. with only 5. wrong. 4 working days left together. really, i'd miss all of them. i remember the first weeks werent exactly smooth. was still abit introverted, or at least, not getting used to the new place, new surroundings. but now, its more like. i'm going to miss it all.

i'll miss going to bunk 1, talking and chit chatting with them during free times, listening to the stories of kangseng, siva, tony and dick. i'll miss the whacky-ness of bunk 2. the loads of fun, joy and laughter, although sometimes, or rather, many times, i'll be feeling fish out of water coz its too not my kind of thing. =X still, i'll miss those smiling faces. and of course, my importance in being the bunk's alarm clock. i'll miss people in bunk 3. the interaction with the fun, comical people who can really put a smile on your face with their random acts or words. i'll miss some of my closest friends in bunk 4. those home-going buddies, those playful kids, those talk-cock-sing-song people. i'll miss papa bear russell, for his care, and somehow, love for us. i'll miss playing with jacob, although many times being mindfucked by his actions and "are u sure?". hmm.. i'll probably do up another post of all the people soon. xD

with the posting order out nxt week, it's all a question mark. will the end of course mark the end of working relations between me and melvin, someone whom i've never exactly planned to work with initially, but ended up as my partner. or the end of any possibility to work with kangseng, after 2 (or maybe more) failed attempts. hmm... let's just wait and see. =S and i'm hoping for the best. or at least, no 10C4I. =S

2011-08-20T19:39:00.003+08:00

boring and lonely nights keeps my mind running. any-o-how. not to the extent of running wild. but running around.

randomly talking to james on fb, asking him about CCNA. apparently everyone is studying. but really, i got no mood. no drive. perhaps the environment in SI has made me see tests as nothing to worry about. not just because the tests are mostly quite logical, which requires little studying and learning. but also because, there'll just be re-tests if you fail to meet the requirements. so far, have been doing not too badly. clearing tests in the first try. hopefully its gna be the same for the CCNA one. but really, i have no idea how i'll do. i dont wana study, dont know what to study, but from the trial paper last week, i dont think i'll do that badly. =X urgh, whatever. will take it as it comes.

anyway, stupid posting is spoiling my weekend now. soooo unable to keep my mind off, after so much talks going around camp. i cant help but believe the words to some extent, coz it really makes sense and it does seem logical. ahhhh! im just keeping my fingers crossed. those butterflies are just flying round round round and round my stomach. but since things are likely to be true, i guess i should start prep-talking myself first. or was that what he was trying to do yst? hmm...

urgh. now im lost again. =X so luan.. anyways tenacity grouping should seriously have been done by sergeant. this self-grouping is making things bad.. =X its gna spoil the relations, or should i say, relations are going to change.. its the first time im feeling this way, not knowing which group to join. it was always the case of me going to the group that needs people, but for now, its groups vying for me. hmm.. an honour indeed. but not exactly a good position to be in. raghhhhhhh! this is sooo terrible!

2011-08-14T13:32:00.003+08:00

Simple, short conversations which shows you remember. They make my day.

I guess as a teacher, you really hope you have made an impact on the lives of your students, even the smallest, simplest impact. the smallest, simplest lesson you taught them, academically or not.

it makes it even more heartwarming when its your students who come up approaching you, telling you that indeed, you have made an impact in their lives, or simply, that they remember you. they come telling me how they have been, or asking how i have been, asking when i'll be back, saying that they miss me. it may be a case of their teachers are more strict with them, or giving them too much pressure that they want the easier way out which is to find me back, since i probably give them a more friendly, fatherly feel. or it could also be a case of, they feel more confortable with me, more able to relate to me.

for the past 6 months or so, during my NS term thus far, yes i admit, these kids will randomly pop into my minds, somehow, at random times, when im doing various things. it could be during the night, when i lay in bed, trying to fall asleep. it could be in the day, in the midst of a lesson or waiting for the next activity to take place. instead of saying i made an impact in their lives, why not say, we've all made an impact in each other's lives. my kids talk to me during my bookouts, on facebook (since that's the only form of communication between me and most of them). once in awhile, telling me how they miss me. how i am their favourite teacher. and sometimes complaining to me about how their teachers 'ill-treat' them.

a small act, it may seem, communicating, not even face-to-face, but an extremely heartwarming act. thanks kids for making my live so much brighter, for making my weekends so much happier, for reminding me teaching is my calling. hope to be able to catch u all again soon (on your PSLE results day, or teaching you all again in future). thank you all, my dear students! i love you all! =P

2011-08-13T23:51:00.002+08:00

welcome back, those emo, gloomy days.
but hey! you arent exactly welcomed!

2011-08-12T21:24:00.002+08:00

this week passed kinda fast. was it because of the national day breaks? or was it because i really have got used to the life in SI.

friendship. seems like that's probably the most frequent thing on my mind, during my free time that is.

was talking, chatting with the guys during excercise that day, quite sad since i wasnt able to go out after some equipments died and were wrongly configured and all the shit. but anyways, it wasnt so bad. got to slack in camp at the POL point. but anyways, spent my whole day there. literally doing nothing except manning the equipment (for that LITTLE while) and setting up and dismantling the stuff. so we talked cock for that... many many hours. somehow, somewhat, james brought up a point. a point on having true friends. having best friends. its not the first time im thinking about this topic. rather, its not even the first time im talking about it. but as usual, it just saddened me. yes, its not the quantity but the quality of friendships that matter. but i thought for awhile, and a little longer, and then a little more longer. i had the quantity. but probably not the quality. before that, what does a best friend constitute? someone whom you can trust, can talk to, and is willing to be there for you always. someone who feels the same as you, towards you. i guess this is a general idea, general definition. for the former, i admit, its all down to me. i'm the one who decides to fulfil this 'criteria' or not. and yes, i guess probably i fulfil this criteria of 'opening myself up' rather easily to others. call me naive, call me too pure for my own good. but im taking each step as a learning journey.

many times, i want to be best friends with people, but i probably dont prove myself worthy enough for them. many times, i want to be best friends with people, but they devour me like some vulture scavaging for meat on a rotten body and make me feel so 糟蹋-ed. many times, i want to be best friends with people, but they prove themselves unworthy of me.

frankly, when the topic was brought up, i felt the pain. somehow. i dont know if i showed it, but im very sure i felt it. talk about quantity, i have tonnes of friends. any one whom i talked to, whom i can recognise. that probably means a huge huge number of people. according to facebook, at least 700. talk about quality. how many friends do i have? 1? 2? i dont know. those few names that come into my mind, who exactly are even my REAL friends. im guessing a number less than 100? and then, who are best friends. its pathetic. A 'social butterfly' indeed. sociable by nature, but flying around too much. too much that nothing is long lasting. even as of now, those few whom i think of as best friends, will they prove themselves to really be my best friends? or will i just be let down again, as usual. i guess only time will tell.

guys (actually more girls, but you know, its just a lingo), i miss you all. i really do. frankly, some of you may just be close friends rather than best friends, but i really really miss you all.

on a side (and happier) note, happy for myself, getting some recognition from biscuit. =D gives me more motivation for the rest of the course. and yes, PRIDE. ~~PeopleRestIDoExtra.~~ that was what i've been doing all these while. even back in BMT.

2011-08-09T00:04:00.002+08:00

just finished my knots and seizing. i hope i got it right this time. anyways have been thinking and pondering about many things these weeks. especially during my time in SI. the free time alone seriously just triggers thoughts. reflections.

that being said. i guess its only normal for me to say that it was only me and my homesickness, me and my resistance to change in the begining that made me so sick, so upset about being inside SI. alone. away from my BMT buddies. but i guess as time went by, new bonds being formed, things doesnt seem that bad anymore. it was almost exactly the same for BMT. not being used to it initially. then slowly getting used to it. and even starting to 'love' the life.

i pondered over the topic of friendship. how was my way of managing friendships? was it a reasonable one? was i taking things for granted? am i being too much, in terms of how i view each and every relationship with everyone? i guess for one, in terms of viewing every friendship, i treat it with care, concern and respect. i may not be those who want to meet up often, or those who decide that the only way to keep in touch and remain close friends is to meet up or go out together often. rather, its more a case of 'touching my heart'. i guess it has always been like this all along, but i guess one of the many takeaways i'll have from SI, and of course, KangSeng, will be really, to 'touch your heart' in everything you do. for me, i've always been sincere in everything i do, and of course, doing everything with the due effort required. but i guess the phrase 'touch your heart' just re-emphasizes and makes it more cheem and strong. and so, really, it doesnt matter if friends meet up everyday, every monthly, or even every yearly. it all boils down to, is that person still in your heart after a long period of not meeting, not calling, not sms-ing? its about a test of time, whether the other person still remains in your heart, in your mind after a long time.

many times, this perception and view has cost me abit. people may get angry with me, for not turning up at gatherings, appearing aloof and nonchalent about meeting up after a long time. accusing me of not treasuring time togehter. not wanting to make the effort to keep friendships going. but for me, frankly, even the physical presence at gatherings and meetups doesnt matter if your heart isnt there. you may be present at a place, but if you dont feel like being there and are just being 'forced' to attend the gathering, there really is no point.

during this 6 months in NS, i really. really am busy. perhaps its my time management that's bad. perhaps its me not being able to properly balance and manage my free time. but my weekends, if any of you realise, are always fully booked. for my family. i dont think i'm the only one like this. i believe many people are. especially when guys like me really go through the pain of being separated from their families, from the people whom we love (although we may or may not show it).

but i guess this is but the begining, time is going to get even more packed in future. even after NS, there's going to be academics and university, and then career. how much time will we have then?

whatever it is, i'm happy for those who are willing to go through thick and thin with me, those who understand how i feel, those who perhaps share the same mindset as me. ultimately, its not the quantity of friends you have, but the quality of each and every friendship. as Estelle once termed me, the 'social butterfly' has spotted potentially new long-lasting and truthful friendships, will they last? will he again be hurt? only time will tell.

2011-07-22T23:51:00.003+08:00

yet another week of NS. my 2nd week in stagmont. yes, am finally getting more used to my new environment. minus the very. i emphasize. VERY unreasonably high demands at times. still keeping my cool (although i really almost lost it just now) and sucking thumb.

i remember last week when i first got to stagmont, a new environment, coupled with the loss, or rather, separation of my 1st coy bunk mates. it was almost like i was so used to them that it was hard for me to adapt into yet another NS stage, but without them. there was no more zhiheng and pokai as my advance party-mates.there was somewhat no sense of urgency, no close interaction and bitching sessions, no initiative, no one who would really care for each other. all in the new environment was cold, and aloof. yes, literally, people went there as individuals. like in every camp. be it the compulsory National Service, or those we used to have in schools. we came as individuals. i wouldnt deny the fact that im one who is not very adaptable to change. i dislike change, for the very fact that i need a long time to get used to it.

the first week got past, rather slowly i'd say. since i'm homesick as usual. and then book out seemed so freaking short. especially since i had to travel almost 2x longer than when i had to book in to pasir ris.

but it was this 2nd week that really saw me through probably my biggest emotional hurdle in stagmont. its always the case of 'i saw it coming, i tried to prepare myself for it, but i'm always never fully prepared on time' for me. i mean, i was told about the weekend guard duty that may be upcoming, only unsure of who would get it. on one hand, judging from my unluckiness, i'll always be the one getting these random and unluckiest duties, somehow. yet judging from the performance of the platoon, there are so many others who deserve the staying back on a weekend as a form of punishment for their wrongdoings. but anyway, as you'dhave guessed by now. i got the weekend duty, and it was on the exact day which i had planned to go for a family movie. (in case you're curious, harry potter.) since i guess that is the only movie my family has always went for, as a family. and this was een more special, since its really the last of the whole harry potter saga. seems like the harry potter wizardry will really linger on, even after the movie and books have come to an end.

then on monday, the news just somehow shot through my heart like a bullet. i may have always seem to be the friends-over-family kind. but im sure those who know me better will know its actually otherwise. although i would probably admit or accept it if people say i place family and friends on an equal scale, side by side.

in this long close-to-5 months in national service, i've never. NEVER felt even more homesick. probably the closest to this was when i got my other guard duty in tekong, on the eve of tombsweeping day, when i had to give up going to visit my dearest grandfather and only wait for one year to pass before i get to go again next year. then, it was really hard to accept since i was the only grandchild whom my grandfather had literally carried in his arms, and lived with, before he left to the other world, which also kinda explains my close relationship with my grandfather, compared to the others of my generation. anyway, of course, it doesnt take much braincells to understand that my relationship with my mum will be wayy closer, which then explains why it was harder for me to come to terms with this upcoming wkend guard duty. i did even check with my commander, whether if he would change the name list, but the answer wasnt exactly what i would have liked to hear.

to be frank, i called home that monday night, as i usually would every night when i have the time. and somehow, i failed to control my emotions. in fact, i was kinda holding back my tears as i was speaking on the phone, feeling more homesick then ever. and also touched, seeing that my buddy was also trying to do his best in helping me to get a swop of duties with someone else. although not in a way which i'd have liked. or at least, not the way i'd have done it. but anyway, after the call, i teared. probably the most heartbreaking-cum-heartwrenching moment in a long time, that's why. but thankfully no one saw my breaking down. i managed to sleep it through until the next morning, and waking up feeling different. it was as if i have overcomed the obstacle. as the saying goes, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. now i understand the meaning of it.

the following night, on tuesday, my buddy went for his duty, along with another 2 of my bunk-mates. the rest of us got together and talked. it was some simple chatting, talking about random stuff. but the feeling was cosy, somehow. and from then onwards, the whole bunk suddenly became more bonded. it was the first time we sat down and had a good talk (although the contents were basically nonsense and some gossips?), but it kicked start the forging of really close bonds within the bunk at least.

apart from my accomplishment of adapting into the new environment, it was also a great achievement (i feel), that im starting to gain recognition for my hard work and leadership. first it was the practical test which many failed. although my overall score was being pulled down by my written portion, my practical was graded quite well. in fact, almost the top. and to top things off, i had a stricter tester who had basically failed or just-passed his testees. yes, not trying to be proud or showing off here, but i thought i really did rather well. suddenly, because of my good results (of course, either due to my natural talent in signalling or my hard work and good study techniques), i was taken note of by my sergeant, who had given me the chance to lead a team in the outfield excercise the next day.

it was really nice to again assume leadership after some time of not having any leadership roles, and to make things even better. its always nice to hear praises, especially from your team members, who were really on the ground, with you through the whole journey. and yes, i guess i probably gained some popularity and recognition from my competency. since i only took over from the original IC on the morning of the excercise itself, when other team ICs had almost 1 night to prepare their items in advance. what was even better, or at least what made me feel even better was the very fact that an ex-officer of the SAF was keen on working hand-in-hand with me, in being the next IC and 2IC of the course. but of course, this plan was ruined, and im guessing because they wanted to split up the stronger powers and even it out throughout the course.

gosh, im really sounding as if im so proud of myself and showing off. but somehow, i really felt i should document this down, as one of my biggest moment in my NS life, or at least in stagmont. one of the most happening week, filled with realisations and recognitions. one week of ups and downs. one week to remember, in time to come. (:

2011-07-07T23:01:00.002+08:00

feelings of unease now. tomorrow will be posting day. tomorrow we'll know where we'll be posted to. for one, i know i wont be posted to SCS or OCS. but that actually makes things worse, for i'm only hearing infantry and guards intake so far. and probably MP and RP. frankly, i'm scared. i'm worried. (adrian just made it better coz i know RP taking in 400 from our batch! =P)

went out with estelle and chekseen today. and yes, once again confirmed the fact that me and estelle were probably twins. coz she's like the female sebast while i'm the male estelle. the way we speak. we think. we percieve. we act. basically in multiple (if not all) aspects. for one, we fear change. didnt exactly admit to it initialy. but i guess jiahao was right, my dislike for change is actually a cover for my fear for change. =X anws, still awaiting for chekseen to post up the great nature-themed photographs we've taken. for the 1st time in idk how long, i did proning again today. just to take some photos. dont know what the hell happened to me. gone crazy perhaps. LOL!

then back to NCHS. helping out with the stampers this year. apparently, i still think our china-themed ones were the best. but seems like now they want it to be not-so-obiang. saw ms joseph's GWS project last yr. frankly, doesnt look deserving. oh well. whatever. i believe she still find ours the best. after so many years of participating. hahas. helped with their mounting. or rather, QC-ing their mounting. not bad i'd say. hahas. hope somehow, someone will find my stamps soon! ><

and since i'm here, shall update about my past few days too! went out for our long overdued icecream turned yogurt date on tues with MC and ms hazel. hahas. NICE! let's have more next time. probably at udders nxt time? hahas. thanks and sorry ms hazel for being late and for specially still coming to meet us despite not feeling very well. =X before tt went back to NY, saw ms sequeira and ms theresia. had a nice chat with them! sorry ms theresia, had to leave halfway. was late for our meeting with ms hazel. will plan a timing with u nxt time! xD

yst went for nihon mura with stampers (without sihui coz she cnt make it. sad. =() quite fun ba. rushed to hougang plaza before jiayi decided hougang plaza was too far away from her WWW. so went to ehub instead. lol. no la. that wasnt the reason. LOL. the eclairs were good! =P

hoping to meet up with the little ones tmr. but sadly all of them falling ill. hope i'll still be able to meet them tmr though. they actually dont look that sick when i saw them today. anyways, heard quite abit about them. how they're being torn apart by blaming each other. chiding each other. faulting each other. so much like the days when jelvin had to step in to solve the me+ly and wz+jy conflict. i hope i can be the mediator if they really need one. but i hope even more that this is just yet another one of their childish quarrels. really pained me to her what's going on in between them now. =S hope everything turns out fine. ><

2011-07-04T22:47:00.002+08:00

POP LO! ^^

finally. after 4 months of BMT. its over. byebye RECRUIT sebast. hello PRIVATE sebast. and so today marks the 1st day of my block leave. actually its an off-in-lieu. but anyways, so today marks the start of a break. hahs.

this week's gonna be packed with goodies, or at least i think so. almost going to eat everyday. oh no... what's going to become of all the trainings and weight loss this past 4 months. =X

anyways, quite excited for tomorrow. gonna have our long postponed icecream date. (shall not name who here since i dont want any trouble or whatsoever) wherever we're going tmr. doesnt matter. i trust i'll be brought somewhere special and different. =P and of course not forgetting, i'll be making a trip down to see the little kiddos from my classes. wonder how many would still remember me, or recognise me (esp since im botak now.) but see as in literally just see. since it wouldnt be appropriate for me to approach them. omg. i sound like a paedophile. but nope, im not. just that these group of people are a special lot to me. since they were my first students. and some even keeping in touch with me. and of course, i'd really hope to be this source of motivation to them. making sure they try their best in whatever they do, and ultimately. achieving the best that they can in their PSLE or EOYs.

and yes, i hope all my leg pains and itching abraisions heal by tmr! please, let them heal!

2011-06-26T01:37:00.002+08:00

somehow have been getting this random feelings to blog these days. but at weird timings. like now! but anyways, this week has been rather emotional, again. yes, its just me thinking. and thinking. and thinking again. i mean, its almost POP! so, frankly speaking, its a mixture of mutiple feelings. after all, its 4 freaking long months of togetherness, of cheers and tears. on a random note, yays to 1st coy winning the drill compt n sch 4 games day champion! =D ok. back to topic. its really a time for all the 4 months of togetherness to come to an end. for some of the people i've met, frankly, its a relief for me. coz it'll mean less irritation, less trouble. for some, it'll really be a case of "i'll miss you".

back in bunk this week, had many chit chat sessions, and yes, i'm proud to announce i live under the rock. lol. so what if i'm innocent and more pure than you all, i take that as a compliment. =D true enough, i may not understand most of the more impure stuff that you all talk about, but seriously, heck it. it doesnt matter. xDxD in fact, i quite like the description n nicknames u all have given me. living under the rock. rocky. rockman. living under the boulder. patrick from spongebob. hahas! yet another reminder of the fun times and happy moments we've shared. and hopefully, part of the memories that will be kept with us when we POP nxt week.

watched x-men with siowmay yst. the show was... average. and of course, for me, didnt deserve the 4 stars which was rated on shaw's website. but whatever, everyone has different tastes. initially wanted to ask the little ones along too, or at least meet them at a later part or something, but nope, didnt have the chance to. ended up talking at dunkin donuts, how our lives have been like, what we have ahead of us. the conversation was a really 'practical' one i'd say. it made me think. it made me think hard. yet again, its more or less the same stuff which i had thought about. but somehow, given my character, i began to rethink the same old stuff again.

in any case, went to swim today with zongying. more of a catching up session i'd say. of course, rather joke since we tried locating each other for at least half an hr each but cant find each other although we were really close to each other. ok, random. and i think i saw mdm chee tdy. wanted to walk up to her and caleb, but didnt in the end. i was shy. for some reason, idk why. =X

the past 2 days have really been great i'd say, catching up with people whom i really havent spoke to for a long time. and i'll have more catching up sessions in 1 week's time! coz i have a 1 week break after POP! woots!

anyways, ought to be resting now. before i go though,
happy birthday tan miao chun!

2011-06-11T22:49:00.002+08:00

yet another long bookout this time round. booked out on friday morning. coz of stupid RT. otherwise i would have been out on thurs night.

this weekend was somewhat emotion-stirring in a sense, making me rethink my perception of friends. my idea of keeping in touch. my method of making friendships last.

was on my way to bugis just now. looking through pictures on my mp3 which i put in few years back. the images of so many who were part of my life in NC. with the ELD soundtracks playing. suddenly i just felt guilty. its almost a sure thing, that i, or in fact, many of us would say towards the end of something. be it the end of someone's CCA career, or at some graduation party.
"Must keep in touch alright?"
"Sure!"
but how exactly has that been done? how should it be done? the pictures of my ELD seniors flashed, Shasha, Jasmine, and the others. frankly, its like we've totally lost touch. i have no idea how they are doing now. no idea where they are. no idea if they still remember the good old times we spent together. correction. i meant no idea if they would one day come to remember that they once shared those memorable times with me. then came the juniors, meldon, bea, eunice, etc. it isnt as bad as the seniors. but then again, i see it going the same way. when was the last time i ever contacted them? and even if i did, was the feeling still the same as before? no. i'd say everything has changed. its never the same as before. and will never be.

urgh. i just hope that minimally, those close will remain close. those that i love will never be gone. and more importantly, i'll have enough time to meet up with at least some of them soon enough. =X

2011-04-22T12:21:00.002+08:00

i managed to survive 7 weeks of NS already! 10 weeks left!! of course, sometimes i wonder why i didnt train to pass my napfa last year. but then again, going to PTP really isnt a bad thing. xD i'd probably say my section is one of tonnes of drama. with the sharp fall in numbers.. and the attitude problems and the ego problems and you-know-what nights etc. probably every section will have it. but i guess none will have it so broadcasted.

sometimes it really feels like im playing survivor. like. we form alliances. we vote people out. and the living circle. with all sorts of weird and different kind of people and mindsets which we may or may not agree with. or may or may not have met before. but we have no choice but to just learn to live with it.

anyway, just a random note. i think i've gone crazy coz i'm actually startiung to like OTOT with kangaroo! OMG! i hope he doesnt change his treatment towards us when the new guy comes in... =S

ok, enough of NS.

CONGRATS TO NC'ELD for their GOLD WITH HONOURS achievement in the 2011 SYF! really proud of these juniors, who've been through so much pain and have delivered. this (for my sec 4s) will definitely be a great ending to their drama chapter, and one that will be imprinted deeply in them.

somehow, the thought of drama never fails to make me emotional. whenever i go back, i'll most probably leave worried. either for the whole drama and their progress. or just those few whom i treat as more than just drama juniors. either way, i will get emotional. even now, the thought of them having stepped down yesterday. it actually implies that yes, i have seen all my junior batches through their 4 years in ELD. and yes, i will no longer ba a familiar face in drama anymore. i mean, so what if i go back? no one will remember me anyway. i'll be just another stranger to the little ones. =X but oh well, i'm glad to have been able to serve 7 years in ELD. (:
~ ELDDS. you will be missed. greatly. i love you! <3

2011-02-22T13:04:00.002+08:00

urgh! this feeling is unbearable! i miss all of you!!! and please dont let my treats go to waste. =X

2011-02-15T21:12:00.002+08:00

somehow i guess i've become accustomed to waking up at 645 and waiting for calls. i've been doing that ever since i changed my phone to the old nokia phone, in preparation for my upcoming NS.

anyway, was getting kinda panicky they didnt call me this morning. but as usual, false alarm on my part. they merely called me abit later than i expected. but it came with super good news. they employed me for 2 days straight! ^^ for the first time since i started at YZPS, i shall be early and join in morning assembly tomorrow! =P

forged a rather close relationship with some of my kids. especially those from 6F. and some others from the other classes, namely 6G, 4C and 5B. i guess i'll really miss them after i leave. sad to say, but come to think of it, probably its going down the same road as my relationship with my bridging kids. a relationship that is remembered by me, and me only. but forgotten by the other party. it's going to be sad. but really, who would remember a primary school relief teacher in the years to come. even permanent school teachers may be forgotten. let alone us, relief teachers. but still, i want to cherish this moment. the moment where my little ones still remember me. the moment where my students see me as half a teacher, half a friend. the moment where suddenly i feel young, yet respected (albeit not very.). a moment where i get to enjoy myself, being a teacher.

please, how i really wish this period will never end. how i wish i'll remain in close contact with these little ones. please, let me be at yangzheng. at least till the end of feb. at least till next friday. =S

2011-02-14T21:53:00.002+08:00

haha. went down to YZPS today again. yes! i had a successful date with YZPS on valentine's! lol. anyway, got myself a new phone for NS yesterday. still unfamiliar with it. but i shall slowly get the hang of it. went back to epson and kinda emoed awhile with jieying at the rooftop of vivo. its kinda sad that im leaving epson now. at the very moment that i can be announced SENIOR PROMOTER! well, so be it. probably i wont go back in future either. =X and oh! went to candy empire for candies for my kids. i hope i get a chance to give it to them. (:

2011-02-11T23:10:00.002+08:00

this is seriously insane! i actually feel closer to debate thn drama now. i went back for drama yst. felt seriously sooooooooo awkward. and the behaviour of those little ones. seriously, i really thought they'd have matured after this 4 years. well, perhaps i'm wrong. probably the new generation perceive being mature as appearing cool appearing fierce and punky. well, i shall not be bothered much more. after this 4 years of heartaches, worry and pain, i'd say i've really had enough of all these. and, if i must say, i've finally going to wash my hands off all of it. but instead, its debate that i will still be going to watch and support and help out. true enough, probably not with preparing cases, or giving points, or doing trial debates or giving much pointers, but at least its somewhere i can feel comfortable (at least more so). by the way, good job guys for today! while you all lost unanimously, its a great learning experience. learn from it, and one day we shall be promoted up the div 1! especially tiny boy, yu xuan, you stil have a long way to go! do change ur mindset a little though. take things abit more seriously. (: jiayou! (to both drama for your SYF and debate for your SSSDC)

and on to my little YZPS kids. been going back quite often this week. 4/5 days. could have made it 5/5 had it not been for BTT. but well, at least i passed BTT, so its not that bad. hopefully it will be 10/10 for the remaining days i have. =X and i actually have came to really bond with those little ones. esp those from 6F. and not forgetting some from 3C/5C/6D/6G. and i finally understood why Mr Lim preferred the tail-end classes. xDxD gosh. i'm surely going to miss them alot when i leave. =S

2011-02-08T22:11:00.007+08:00

seriously. i'm missing those yangzhenites. it's so astonishing how i suddenly feel so much for them in just 2-3 days of meeting them. probably due to the interaction with them yesterday.. them treating me close, telling me about themselves, how they spent their CNY (being too bored at home and playing computer games), asking for my contact (after which i only gave my msn coz i dont this its really appropriate to give any other contacts), asking me to join them for movie (which i was taken aback, remembering the fact that they are only primary school kids), seeking for my attention (either by making me irritated by running around, or asking me questions, or randomly telling me thay not feeling well but are well again when i move to them. -.-)

whether i get called back again, or take their classes again, to the little ones who were once taken by mr wang (if my memory is right, classes 6F, 5B, 3B, 1B, and those in the 5E math class)

all the best, my little ones!

study hard and.. i love all of you.

it may have only been that few hours of interaction we've had,

but thanks for the warmth and open arms which u all welcomed me with.

while im supposed to be a relief teacher

who was supposed to be just any other random person

sitting at the teacher's table

doing my job of getting u all to shut up and stay put in your seats,

its amazing how that supposedly 'hostile' relation has manifested into

this caring feeling that i've developed for all of you.

i really wish you all the very best in your studies and your life.

for those who are still copying from our friends,

its about time you learnt to do it on your own.

those who are still always waiting for someone to stay by you to tell you answers,

its time you give those questions a try first.

you all are smart, dont be lazy.

jiayou!

its really been a joy taking you. (:

LOL. i sound like i'm their family member or smth. lol. but yea, i really do love the kids. i will miss you all! <3

2011-01-17T12:08:00.003+08:00

ok. probably no time for the individuals who played a huge part in my JC life. maybe nxt time when i have the mood and time?

have been working quite consecutively for the past 2wks or so. maybe 1-2days of breaks after 4-5days of work. hmm.. i guess im really working retail hours these days. hahs. nonetheless, work = $$$! =P

was speaking to gilbert tt day, and actually kinda touched when he told me how he felt abt drama now. not very much of drama, but more of his responsibility, and from there, how much he has matured and grown from the small kid i first knew. well, i'm a happy man! (:

anws, havent had the time to really contact or meet up with alot of people these days due to my hectic schedule. but oh well, if there's anything any relation should withstand, its the test of time and trust. so that's about it! off to office for now. ciaos!

2010-12-01T23:27:00.005+08:00

lols. shall do a post on the different groups of people who really played a (big) part in my JC life.

0912
Adrian, Jiayi, WeiZhen, JiaJin, MiaoChun, Shilin, Shermane, YinKee, SinYee, YunSheng, KaiShian, Benjamin, JingKai, Roy, KaiHwee, XinYu, Joei, Eileen, Evelyn, Samyy, Matthias, Carmel, Veron, KaiTing, Joanne, YiLong, KweePeng

once a 0912-ian, always a 0912-ian. sounds cliched, but still, i guess that's what the spirit should be like. while we all had our different perspectives and opinions, and be split into many parts, we're ultimately one class - 0912. frankly, i doubt there'll be another full class gathering in future, but i still carry the hope for one. it's been nice knowing all of you, really. some of us may not have spoke much, or may not really know each other, but nevertheless, thanks for being part of my class. (:

NY055'09 - the Geisha group!
MiaoChun, Samyy, Matthias, Joanne
Thanks for tolerating with my high expectations and slave-driver-ness. but i hope u all understood all my worry after we've really kinda established ourselves as one of the tops in NY. and not forgetting the fun we had, especially that night, when we stayed all the way till 10++pm for the WR, and finally finished it. i'd really look back, and remember those times again in time to come. (: White-faced monsters FTW! =D

my clique(s)
Adrian, Jiayi, WeiZhen, MiaoChun, JiaJin, Shermane, YinKee, Shilin, SinYee, Samyy
of course, you guys really played an important part in livening up my JC life. all the support, laughters and tears we shared, and the gossips and whatever nonsensical rubbish we laugh about really brings colours to my boring, mundane days in JC. so, thanks all! =D

Unclassifieds (Oops)
KaiHwee, XinYu, Joei, JingKai, Roy, Eileen, Evelyn
Frankly, i dont think i really have much interaction with u all. or perhaps, not as much. but you all are really nice people to socialise with. easily approachable, and basically, i can talk or ask anything random. still, it's been great knowing you all! =D

OC
Carmel, Veron, Joanne, KaiTing, Benjamin, KaiShian, YunSheng
hello OC, i guess this year has been a better year compared to last, in terms of communication and relationships. i guess it's coz we dont have as much conflicts, or sources of conflicts this year. although i was never part of you all, and never really interacted much with u all either, i must say, you all are really nice people too. we just have different perspectives, that's all. xD

---

FilmArt
PeiHua, WeiZhen, Jiayi, BaoYi, Angelina, Samantha, YunJia, Cheryl, ChingLi, JiaYu, Samuel, ZongYing, ChinPei, WeiSiang, Adrian, Brian, GuangWen, Derrick, Liyan, Kelmond, Fenni

Crew
PeiHua, WeiZhen, Jiayi, BaoYi, Angelina, Samantha, YunJia, Cheryl, ChingLi, JiaYu
For bearing with me for the past 1+ years, sorry and thank you. =X i know there were some conflicts and upset moments here and there, but well, everything's over. thanks for being part of my experience as a chairperson of a CCA. whether you made trouble for me or not, i still wana thank you all. well, i guess our partnership has ended, but i hope our relationships doesnt. do keep in touch ya? =D

Casts
Samuel, ZongYing, ChinPei, WeiSiang, Adrian, Brian, GuangWen, Derrick, Liyan, Kelmond, Fenni
i know i've thanked you all many many many many times, but i still wana thank all of you for your help, in any and everyway for an event which, realistically speaking, doesnt concern you. to my casts, it's really been fun having to be able to work with you all. although work was tiring, and one of the films failed terribly, it gave us experience so we can work on better stuff, and we did and succeeded. and of course, we really enjoyed ourselves and had fun, which is most important. (: and sorry brian for sacrificing ur professionalism. =X to fenni, your song was great! it really enhanced my film by alot. if only multimedia dept was still ard, i tink we'll hunt you down. LOL! i know i'm going to sound like a broken record, but THANKSSSSSSSS ALL! =D

---

LOVEGOOD!♥
Mervis, Julia, YeeChuang, ZiYuan, WanXin, Henry, JiaLin(Rose), JingEr, Brandon, Yasmin, Regina, JunYong, WeiJie, GuangWen

probably the group i hang out with the most during JC life (except when in school). we're still going strong, having outings frequently and gathering and meeting up often. (: LOVEGOOD FTW! nothing much to say to lovegood seriously, coz i dont feel like i'm going to lose you all or we're gonna be separated soon. if there is really something i wana say, then... LET'S HAVE A FULL OUTING TOGETHER SOON! i really love lovegood, where every moment is sincere, and every smile is for real. where we're filled with love for good =D
I ♥ LOVEGOOD!

---

okays, shall do up a post about the INDIVIDUALS who coloured my JC life soon (:

2010-10-23T23:38:00.002+08:00

sometimes, i just cant help, thinking how terrible a failure i am.

on a side note, 16 days to A's...

2010-10-01T20:11:00.002+08:00

"Only the force of the wind
will show the strength of the grass.
Only the challenges of the world
will show the character of the man."

Quoted from Mr Ong K.C. during NCHS Graduation Ceremony Presentation 2010

2010-09-26T22:26:00.007+08:00

doing the right thing?
doing the wrong thing?
i dont know.

2010-08-31T22:20:00.003+08:00

its been some time since i last blogged. have been having super random thoughts and meaningful reflections these nights. but, it all happened in the night, when im in bed. so yea, here i am, re-posting after such a long hiatus.

well, life's been good. of course, u cant expect it to be perfect. but still, its considered not bad. on top of the stress, and the unlimited revision packages, and the sleepless nights, i'm still enjoying myself. enjoying as in, taking it in my stride, taking it well. i mean, no point stressing too much. its just gonna kill u in the end.

prelim's in few days time. i cant feel the stress. or am i already immuned to the stress? i have no idea. =X did a timed pract for math paper 1 yst with ys. ok. kinda crappy. the number of marks lost to careless mistakes is wayyyy more than the amount of marks lost coz i really didnt know =X must be more careful le! xD

today was celebration for teachers' day. congrats to ms hazel for winning the most something something of hearts award. hahs. but i guess u deserved one! =D ended quite early, at 10am. and was in a dilemma to go either NC or ZPS.

ended up in ZPS. i didnt expect to be still as popular. but am quite touched after 6 years, the teachers still remembered me quite clearly. it made me really feel at home again. or at least, it rekindled my great memories of zps. met many of the teachers, my all-time favourite mr lim and ms ong. and also many other teachers, ms tan, mr liew, ms yasmeen, mrs wendy ng, mrs joyce tan, mrs ooi, mrs sajjan, etcetcetc. most of them still remembered me clearly. also there was mr sinen, uncle karu, uncle din, mdm mageas, ms siti. seems like i really have made an impact in zps. was quite irritated by the fact tt they had planned for the teachers to undergo a series of events n celebrations, and have no time for us. but oh well, they deserved the long break anw. so for the first time, i actually left visiting zps before 5, alone. now an official member of the alumni (: hope i can impact everywhere like i did in zps (: and of course, hope the management changes soon, (i quite dislike the P & VP now, in fact, i think they suck. =X)

2010-06-08T20:33:00.000+08:00

damn, i think im going to be sooooo screwed sooooo very soon! =X

2010-06-05T01:23:00.008+08:00

DRAMA BBQ @ PASIR RIS PARK AREA 1 PIT 22.

seriously. its awesome! yes. AWESOME! the turnout wad quite unexpected (unexpectedly low?), but still i had fun. =D i guess i can speak for all who were present. =D

shall blog about the BBQ then. coz its simply too awesome to be unblogged. lols! why am i using so many awesomes? perhaps its realy that awesome. or maybe not.

first and foremost, THANK YOU juniors for inviting me back to this BBQ. as daniel was counting just now. i belong to the ex-ex-ex-ex batch le. lols.

such an old picture. hahs!

in case people forgot, im the ex-ex-ex-ex vice-chair, who used to be in charge of the duties of co-director, asst.-director & audio manager. LOLs!

and it was during ms lim's time we decided to bring in the changes to the exco positions.

THE super dedicated teacher IC of NC'ELD (2006-2010)

Ms Lim Ker Sin!

its definitely dampening, to have ms lim missing from the bbq today. after all, it was meant to be her farewell. seriously, im really touched by how much they've done for ms lim. the gifts and the messages. the things they prepared. really, i think ms lim is one of the most dedicated teacher i've seen. or should i say, she is, perhaps, the most dedicated teacher. maybe due to her age, its just like she can blend in with every one of us, and really go through the thick and thin with us. i like her straightforwardness, happy means happy. not happy means not happy. it really has been a great pleasure working with her. throughout these years, i'll still remember that year during public performance. it was a great series of first times for me. my first time handling the NCHS first public performance. my first time flaring up at a teacher (worst still, the fiercest teacher in school. oops.). if im not wrong, ms lim's first event as drama teacher IC1. my first time receiving such a touching message from a teacher after the event. my first time...

its definitely saddening to know this person who's guided NC'ELD (and me) a huge deal is going to leave NCHS, which also means ELDDS will be left with one less dedicated teacher in charge. originally i thought she'd be happier at her new school. but apparently, it doesn't seem like the case. nevertheless,

加油 MS LIM!

ALL THE BEST!

thankfully we can still keep in touch. hahs! MUST HOR!

moving on to the bbq proper. well, waited for eunice outside MJC. before we went to find bea @ e-hub. on the way down. received calls and smses, saying they wont be coming. but my mind was still filled with "where is ms lim?","is she ok?". oh well, apparently, from the looks of it. it doesnt seem very ok. =X anws, moved to pit lo. hahs. saw many juniors there. seriously, im old le la. =X i cant recognise like 40% of the faces? or at least, i dont know their names. its heartwarming seeins drama still so bonded. (at least on the outside, LOL!) it yet another dawn of a new era. kat's reign has ended. now its daniel.

You'd better do a good job, my erzi! Don't let me down =D else papa bear gna eat u up! xDxD

and so, started the fire tgt with daniel n zhiyu n sandy. (LOLs! i feel so useful today! =D) its sad tt the other 3 boys didnt turn up, but i believe they had their reasons. but still, it was a great bonding session for me i guess, or at least with my erzi and eunice, vonn, bea, siowmay and meldon, and some of the little ones. (hey, they arent as little anymore =X)

i still remember the times i used to worry about them. the times i really looked after them as if i was their daddy. as i was telling them just now, im really touched by those words which still stay in my heart and mind even till today. just to name those that are perhaps, most touching for me. i remember meldon referring to me as a friendly giant, which is probably due to that talk i had with him years ago.. i remember zhiyu saying she always seen me as a fatherly figure in drama, and would like to take that last time (during my farewell), to thank me and call me "lao pa!". i remember daniel, of course, forever calling me the big friendly bear. and perhaps these are some of the fond memories that will stay with me for a long long time.

the once pure and innocent kiddos have really grown up. siowmay's batch, now in pre-university institutes. katherine's batch, now preparing to take their O's and then move on to their next stage of life. daniel's batch, now taking charge of drama and in no time going to graduate. then comes a question, how much would they still remember of this journey we've had together. will they still remember me? well, i will.

lots of leftover food thrown away eventually. =( but it cant be helped. i guess too much was bought. but it was really a great effort to make this happen.
WELL DONE SANDY, VANESSA, MINYU, DANIEL & OTHER JUNIORS! THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN!

really really really enjoyed myself today. must organise another gathering soon ya? =D

i sooooo miss my NC'ELD, where the heart lies, and true love never dies.

and of course,

2010-05-31T21:53:00.005+08:00

突然间觉得自己好失败。没什么特别的理由，就是突然觉得自己好失败。最近发生的事物，似乎在告诉我，或许我必须开始适应与接受。当天在谈话中，发现其实真正的朋友并不多。没错，是有几个。但相比之下，真是比较少。有时自己问自己，真有这个必要吗？真的需要‘舍己为人’吗？也许并没有这个必要。但我还是执著于我这个想法。真的，我并不要求回报。我只渴望有一天，在我真有需要时，会有人为我打气加油，会有人愿意与我并肩作战。没错，我是已经找到了几个符合这一点的好友。但，又有谁能担保，能保证这会时永恒不变的呢？所谓的‘永远’又代表着什么呢？

lols. just another random emo post. somehow, the happenings around me certainly made me realise. the need for me to face up to reality. no matter how terrible. how shitty the issue or problem is. i still have to face up to it. perhaps i've been too kind, too good a person to the extent that sometimes, or rather, many times, im taken for granted. i dont wana go into details, but i guess its obvious. its sad to see how humanity turns out to be. selfish. materialistic. double-faced. more so from the people whom you've known for quite some time. perhaps im saying this coz im sick and tired of it. or coz i've once again found myself more able to bond with juniors and not-so-close people. or am i just pathetically seeking attention?

AHH WHATEVER!

2010-05-24T21:50:00.004+08:00

the problem lies ultimately, with perception. i seriously dont get why im feeling so damn freaking terrible jus coz of pathetic little things which shouldnt even bother me in the first place.

it all boils down to me being too nice again. but i guess, its not that im unaware. but more of,

i know what im supposed to do, but i cant do it.

again, i thought about trust. its a sensitive issue. its a personal thing. and its really sad to find, my trustworthy people in my life arent as plentiful as before. is it coz of human nature? is it coz this is jus pure life? where you have to learn to live n struggle with more and more hardships as you go along?

as usual, im going to say it pains me to see my juniors or closest in pain. yet, what was brought to my attention does makes sense. does it pain them if they know or see that im in pain? i guess, perhaps. perhaps some. i know im able to earn the respect of some, for the things that i do. for who i really am. for the sincere little actions of love. yet at the same time, im aware. many dont. should i therefore retract my assistance? take a step back for the good of myself? i really am lost.

or perhaps,

i know what im supposed to do. just that, i cant bring myself to accept and do it.

2010-05-09T21:58:00.002+08:00

omgomgomgomg! i jus realised my sms exceeded by like 50? =X this is badd. lols.
ok idk why im reacting this way, so overly-reacted. but, omg! i went over by 50! today doesnt seem like a good day for me.

lost my eraser in the evening. then had a hell lot of problem making the puzzle. thn had another huge problem with the WPB photoshoot. thn now i realise my sms overshot. urgh!

this upcoming week's gna be hectic. real hectic. i foresee myself reaching home at 10+ everyday. coz of the rehearsals. and of course, the ever-uncompletable tutorials. sighs...

but then again, it isnt that bad, now that i've completed most of P&C & carboxylic tuts. nnd now! let's move on to... oh ya! the packing of my GP file!

2010-05-08T22:58:00.005+08:00

have i mentioned how terrible it pains me for me to see my juniors in pain. or simply, unhappy or troubled. i know its just me being the stupid guy who cares too much for others. its just me, who's always there for others. but cnt really find anyone to be there for me when the time comes. but to hell with it! i am who i am!

i see my juniors, troubled, confused, in pain. well, i wont do nothing. or at least, i will defintely worry. for those of you who are reading on just to get the latest gossips n stuff like that, im sorry im gna disappoint u. NOPE. no leakages here. (:

had discussed the history SBQ with mc in sch jus nw. nnd we treated ourselves to some swiss rolls, gummies, milk tea n marshmallows(which are now in my bag). perhaps.. that can be considered a mini PW celebration? its just two of us thou =S so... its not exactly a celebration. i guess its jus a nicer name for us, or perhaps just me, so that i wont see it as a stressful history SBQ session. =S finally left school at lika ard 9. without finishing the SBQ. (oh! how nice!) its not that we slacked. just that. we discussed the strongest source for abit toooooooo long. we spent like almost 1 hr deciphering what the bloody source meant. LOLs!

&& did i mention today was college day? hahs. how i wish to be one of the awardees nxt yr.. hahs. i made quite abit of contributions to filmart this year hor, mr tay? xDxD (oh, come'on. i doubt he'll read this. LOL!) but at the same time, i hope to be up there, with 3H2 distinctions (: even better, top in certain subjects =D

ok. this is just random. lols! but i hope to get that anyway. hah!
alrights, here i go again...

horny ridz boyy, ivan xiiaodii, leroy xiiaodii, siowmay adik, & my other juniors,
cheer up nnd be happy! i'll be here for u! (:

2010-05-05T21:39:00.004+08:00

today's the final day. rest in peace, my friend. though i may not know you. but i sincerely hope u will reside in a happier place.

anws, feeling damn tired n screwed up nw. wanted to try out the rehearsal for the lifeskills workshop just now. but FAILED. exported the 2 min greed thingee. also FAILED. fk! the file corrupted i think. some clips went missing. on the bus, texted ppl asking them to support drama night, then i thought, why am i doing so much? oh well. i really am soooo screwed up now. guess its the fatigue tts eating into me. =X

lols. nnd shin's really cute la! gave me his number n saved my number wrongly. lols. damn funny! anws, SHIN! (my clone) be a good boy! (: nnd cheer up! admit ur messiness. xDxD jkjk

nnd HORNY RIDZ BOYY & IVAN XIIAODII, congrats on the completion of ur proj (: i hope i complete my jobs-on-hand now, like seeeeeeriously!

2010-05-01T00:38:00.001+08:00

hahs! finally finished editing the 8th sin. omg! i think im a genuis! i actually shrunk tt 20mins plus plus long thingee into 2mins! omg! im a pro! =D hahs. little wonder filmart peaked in my hands =D lols. ok. too much narccism here. anws..

ridzuan boyy wants himself to be associated to being horny. so, here's to you
HORNY RIDZUAN BOYY! =D

lols!

2010-04-29T23:16:00.007+08:00

lols. have been slacking like OMG for the whole week. havent done much homework, nor any revision or such. except today, but that's exceptional given i have a history SBQ test tmr.

anws, went to cut hair today! hahs. i tink it looks ok. hahs. as usual la. will look good IF im willing to spend the time n effort n the ka-ching styling it. hahs. too bad, im kinda lazy n dun rly see a point. oops. i feel so old like some kinda old uncle living in the older eras! so, yea, haircut was fine =D

but thn now, it really pains me to see things turn out unsmoothly for my little ones, overstressed with JC workload, tired out by the CCA workload coupled with studies, and of course not to mention the dreaded PW! frankly speaking, i had fun with my PW. its stressful, but its definitely fun and rewarding.

so,
dearest ivan xiiaodii, leroy xiiaodii, ridzuan boyy, siowmay adik,
do continue to push on, and don't give up! i'll be around to provide that ear, that shoulder, that brain, or that additional pair of arms if you need it (:

how nice, i just cut myself unknowingly. =X

2010-04-28T22:16:00.001+08:00

filmfest was a resounding success. once again, we're at our peak. (: omg! i feel so good!
but hey, i need my rest =S

2010-04-16T22:39:00.006+08:00

hahs. yays! got an A for PW! my efforts paid off. thankfully. ~~obviously.~~ but somehow, didnt feel a special happiness or joy in getting this A. i should have been. but perhaps, just perhaps. my circumstance n condition now doesnt allow me to. please, how can you expect someone who's soo tensed up abt his major production now. everyday stressing how to sell more tickets and what hasnt been completed yet. but ah. wadeva.

idk why. but i cant seem to get out of my junior-oriented mentality. perhaps its just that i dont see a need to. i guess. its what defines me. a fatherly, brotherly sebast. don't deny that. unless u have concrete evidence to support it. lols. nnd srsly, sometimes, its rly hard for me. pls dont discourage me from loving my juniors, you know i can do it. just that i dont want to. dont be jealous. (: srsly, it pains me to see them being tortured, emotionally, mentally, physically, and in all sorts of manner. but thn again, why am i oni feeling this way, for my juniors? and not others? idk. but in any case,

CHEER UP & REST WELL & DUN SO STRESS!
esp. horny adik ridz, ivan xiiaodii, leroy xiiaodii, siowmay adik, daniel erzi

if you need to, just come find me(: abang/kor/teddy always here for u all. (:

2010-04-12T22:13:00.002+08:00

goodbyes are often the hardest words to say. i went back on saturday, hoping to see them for the last time. and immerse myself with them. but probably, they're too stressed up by their upcoming performance. jus like how i was, 2 years ago. i'm proud of my drama. they've done me proud. and i love them to bits! its come to the time again, for yet another batch to step down, and carry on with their lives, their o'lvls, their future. i hope nothing ends here. for i want our drama love to carry on. and on. and on. and on. and on....

its just like seeing my kids grow up, and pursuing what they want in their lives, go for it my dears! daddy sebast bear bear will support you all the way!

WELL DONE ELDDS!

I LOVE DRAMA, COS' LIFE'S LIKE ONE! <3

2010-03-16T19:14:00.002+08:00

lols. i ripped this off cheehow's blog. xDxD hope the real author dont mind. but i thought this was really cool n meaningful (:

The most selfish 1 letter word: I. Avoid it.
The most satisfying 2 letter word: We. Use it.
The most poisonous 3 letter word: Ego. Kill it.
The most used 4 letter word: Love. Value it.
The most pleasing 5 letter word: Smile. Keep it.
The fastest spreading 6 letter word: Rumour. Ignore it.
The hardest working 7 letter word: Success. Achieve it.
The most enviable 8 letter word: Jealousy. Distance it.
The most powerful 9 letter word: Knowledge. Acquire it.
The most essential 10 letter word: Confidence. Trust it.

2010-03-14T01:33:00.005+08:00

NANYANG FILM FESTIVAL 2010
TIME: 6:45PM
DATE: 23 APRIL 2010 (FRIDAY)
VENUE: NANYANG JUNIOR COLLEGE LT4
TICKETS AT $6 EACH!

PLEASE SUPPORT! (:

2010-03-11T21:40:00.001+08:00

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

its almost the march holidays!

but wait. do i have any holidays? =X

2010-03-04T16:39:00.000+08:00

you made me give up. so u've just re-try again. =S

2010-02-21T23:08:00.000+08:00

"i shant use those degrading terms on you, coz u deserve much worse." nice quote. (:

2010-02-18T19:48:00.002+08:00

the awkwardness shall amount to a worthwhile deal

2010-02-17T23:18:00.002+08:00

you want it, come get it! i'm giving it to you. but we shall see who's the eventual victor (:

2010-02-10T20:59:00.001+08:00

a classic example of an overstretched rubber band.
SNAP!

&& it hurts.

2010-02-09T00:09:00.001+08:00

i hope you never take a single breath for granted. (coz i didnt. and i dont want to.)
and when you get a choice to sit it out or dance, i hope you dance.

2010-02-05T22:38:00.003+08:00

sighs. got back all my results for block tests le. kinda sad. but thn again, i din really prepare. so i guess its a consolation? got BCESS. well. compared to BDDDD. its relatively worse la. but as i said. i din prepare well.. so yea...

anws. moving on to the more happy stuff..
I LOVE CONNOR ONE!
seriously, i love my connor one ogms. they're a wonderful lot. enthusiastic. hyper. fun. caring. everything nice la (: hahs! its a sad thing orientation has to come to an end. just when we're starting to get to know each other more. but thn again, we can still keep in contact and have gatherings n outings soon. right? will love n treasure the times n memories of the 4 days. hope you all will to, yea? (:

2010-01-25T22:22:00.003+08:00

to those things/people who spoilt my day today.
too bad, you havent succeeded =D

lols. those cards nnd my favourite kiddos make my day. (:

2010-01-24T19:24:00.004+08:00

finally finished the cards which i promised myself to finish over the weekends. hope i din leave anyone out =X but thn again, strictly speaking, the cards... are only half done. lols. only the designs are done. not the messages. lols. but i'll fill them up in no time! =D shall post up the pictures after i give them their cards =D which will be like... months later. lols. but yea. at least i've got the heart to make for them k! lols!

&& GOOD LUCK to my lil'juniors taking their amaths test tmr. lols. esp mr jerron xiiaodii! lols. xDxD dun let me down eh? =P

i cant wait for orientation! (:

2010-01-24T00:04:00.003+08:00

its been some time since i last blogged. hahs. yst went to coach jerron xiiaodii in him math. shun bian pass him my imba geog notes! lols. yes! IMBA one! lols. ok.. enough of laming. hahs.

anws, i realised i have 2 xiiaodiis with vry similar names. lols. jerome n jerron. lols. sounds like they're real siblings or sth. lols. but clarification, they're not. hahs. ohoh! jerron has the same chinese name as me, diff writing thou. but yepps. both are weiquans! lols. ok. enough of crap.

these few days have been quite slack.. had block test, but oh well. wasnt in the mood for it. so... wun be vry surprised if i dun do well. hahs. but please. please let me pass all the subjs. =S lols. why am i saying all these now? lols. xDxD

kinda revived the song section on my blog. lols. coz mixpod doesnt allow the music to be played without showing the vid. some stupid youtube-mxpod policy. but heck it. i've got it covered. hahs.

ok.. nothing much i guess. JC life's gna come back for me again. but i shall be ready for it! yes! i will be! =D but not before i have fun during the JC Orientation & of course, CNY! (:

oh yes! GOOD LUCK TO ALL TAKING THEIR POSTING RESULTS ON WED! ^^

2010-01-15T23:46:00.002+08:00

went to compass tdy. alone. felt quite emo la. coz of the ups n downs n lefts n rights tt happened tdy. wana noe more, ask me and i'll decide if i'll tell you. but yepps. went to the mkt outside cp alone. thn surprisingly! saw daniel n darren! hahs. this is the 3rd time im seeing/saw them for the week. lols. sighs~ rly miss those times.

to my little juniors or ELDDS, please. dont get into any(more) trouble or conflicts or misunderstandings with each other. k? (:

basically, spent a tough n emotionally-tormenting night. let's hope all will be fine (:

nnd oh! did i mention we (me, yk, nnd some of the drama kiddos) had a fun night out yst?

2010-01-10T01:13:00.003+08:00

hahs. lols! i havent rly posted here for quite some time eh? hahs. no merry x'mas-es. no happy new years. so to make up for it... happy belated holidays people!

ok. lame. well, had lots packed up for me over the past 2 week or so. OGL trainings, filmings, JC Experience, blablabla. nnd hence my lack of blog posts. lols! nnd...

I HAVENT FINISHED MY HOMEWORK!!!

school's reopening officially soon. in about another 1 days time. hopefully i can finish my work on time. but for the first time ever, sebast is HOPING that his work gets done in time. sighs~ bad.. this is bad... but oh well. this is JC. isnt it? hahs. perhaps that's the punishment for having too much fun during the holis, thou i had fun doing rather official stuff. LOLS!

guess its time to get back to work. but anws,

ALL THE BEST

to people getting their results on mon!

nnd do let me know ur results! (:

2009-12-20T17:02:00.003+08:00

its been long since i've posted. no doubt, this is the holidays. but i havent really been having a holiday. lols. nonetheless, i've spent my time meaningfully and wisefully. Bridging 2009 certainly has sapped my energy, tiring me out this whole holidays. but still, its time well spent! and of course, it has been a great process.

18Dec09 marked the end of the programme. its going to be no more going to pipit rd early in the morning. no more going to first toa payoh with the kids. no more listening to their feelings. no more having fun with them. no more coaching them. no more seeing their artpieces. no more. i'll certainly miss the times together (as im missing now). my beloved 13 kiddos!

Aidil, JunJie, Nazrin, Iqbal, Ian, Issac, Dinie, Amir, Francis, Swaliha, Chrislyn, Priscilla, Insyirah.

(photos up on facebook coz blogger doesnt allow me to upload. zzz.)

tomorrow will be a brand new start for me, without the kids. nnd also a brand new start for the kids as well, who will need to stand on their own, and do whatever they need to. i've thought about it before, "what will the kids become of in future? will they do well in their future? will they still remember us when they see us on the streets?" now, i dont think there's an answer to this questions. nnd it then points down to "too insistent on an unexistent answer" i guess the answer will reveal itself when the time is ripe. till then, i wish for all the best for this beloved 13 kiddos.

I LOVE BRIDGING KIDS

@ FIRST TOA PAYOH! <3

2009-12-16T00:39:00.001+08:00

urgh! i simply cant stand it! i need a break. one day or two is enough. i'll be contented. really.

2009-12-08T23:27:00.002+08:00

i guess pictures speaks for itself! its abit late though. but still. I LOVE BRIDGING SESSION ONE! (: currently still working on session 2. so lets go people! (:

2009-11-25T23:42:00.002+08:00

tired ttm! nnd its only day 2 of the bridging prog. seriously think their planning sux like hell. not the NY side. i mean the organizers side. come on! they cant even get an adult to accompany 10 kinds on the bus in advance! -.- lousy crappish planning.

seriously preferred yesterday. with oni junjie aidil nazran ian chrislyn and swaliha. goshhhhh! the macpherson batch are super duper hard to control. esp when birds of the same feather flock together. worst! the emo here emo there. quarrel here quarrel there. sighs~ can die sia..

but generally. had fun la. i guess its the sense of satisfaction that satisfies me. oh well, gtg for nw.

tmr will be a better day! nnd i cant wait to meet those kiddos tmr! (:

2009-11-19T22:02:00.001+08:00

bad day. bad day. bad day.

2009-11-17T18:56:00.005+08:00

sometimes looks can be deceiving. sometimes the surface may be the totaly opposite of the inside. sometimes you just cant seem to know what one's thinking. sometimes you jus wun be able to understand. sometimes.

got extremely emotional again just now. for freakking crappish reasons. its damn dumb to get emotional over these. but sometimes it just cant be helped. its like, it just got triggered and then poof! you're affected. but whatever. i noe its jus gna get worse if im going to brood over it. so guess i'll jus shut it out for now. better still, handle it only when it comes again (: but as i went into that emo-ish world again just now. please, may i know who's there? can anyone please enlighten me?

2009-11-15T14:26:00.002+08:00

somehow, i've already forgotten the feeling of freedom. i've adapted to the daily routine of working from day till night, perfecting whatever im supposed to do. to the extent that i actually forgot how i used to spend my weekends. =X

tmr shall be the day. the day we receive the ~~perhaps dreaded~~ promotional results. i guess more or less, we know our own results. where we stand, whether if we'll go up or remain. or perhaps, whether we want that promotion anot. till tmr, i'll still be worrying, i'll still be anxious, i'll still be afraid. coz of the many things that may/will happen tmr. those tears which may be shed, those happy tears for being promoted; and those sad tears for being unable to be promoted. nonetheless, it'll be good if we can all move up as a whole as 0912.

i want the ionic bonds to become covalent. i want the 5 years to become 6. i want the short term to become long term. i want us all to upgrade to form that SOLID block of friendships!

2009-11-13T22:53:00.015+08:00

lols. this is coming late. rather late. or ok. very late. i din mean to la. but its jus i couldnt afford the time n effort. i've wrote a few drafts, but ended up deleting them all. simply coz i felt it wasnt good enough. but this post wouldnt be that 100% well done either. perhaps its the combination of the best parts of the drafts ba. (:
its been long since i wrote posts of this genre. or at least, its been long since i planned to touch on this genre. a genre i'd call my forte. so hopefully i do succeed in doing up a good one. (: (ok, maybe not.)

well, 10112009 was supposed to have marked the end of the whole PW process, whole PW cycle. but, i guess we should feel honoured ba, to be called back to be filmed. nnd i guess we rly did well (though i kinda stumbled after direct eye contact with the PBL) (: but in any case, G-O-O-D-J-O-B!
GOODJOB TEAM! (:
GOODJOB 0912!

through this PW cycle, i've rly learnt alot. nnd im really heartened and cheered by the team spirit and class spirit we've displayed. especially so during this OP period. seriously, we've bonded. we've worked. we've fought together, forged together, without segregations, without being bothered by the 'crack' in the class. 0912, WE ROCK! who would have thought this would happen? well, it was unexpected for me. but i seriously enjoy and cherished this moments of quality time spent together. perhaps it may have came a little late, but truth is. NOTHING IS EVER TOO LATE.

now that PW has ended, i'll miss those early mornings in school. those late nights in school. those weekends in school. i guess the part that has really touched me, is that we even were willing to stay in school, on a SATURDAY, until ard 10+ just to finish up that WR, nnd even missing dinner time with family (yes SAMYY, i mean you! xDxD). nnd those late nights rehearsing for OP. i'm really touched by the effort that you all were willing to put in. yes, it may not have been the whole team who stayed. but i really have to say thanks to all of you. many conflicts, many dissatisfactions during the process, but we've managed to pull it off, with the great results in the end. as driver of the team, i've really made you all work. so, once again, sorry for over-pushing u all. (if applicable) but im sure you all can see my rationale, esp after we've produced tip-top quality work time and again (ok, actually not many times, its just 2 times). lols! but well done team! well done! really. it may not have been smooth-sailing for us. but im grateful for a team like this! (:

i remember we started out as people from the different mini-cliques of the class. nnd i was like, would i be able to work well with this team? i guess the answer is apparent now. I CAN! but i'd say PW has really enlightened me on the good and bad sides of mankind. we may be nice, but all of us still have that nasty side in any case, which highlights the need, for good, effective communication. of course, discretion should be exercised. *winks* but im actually quite surprised and shocked, how well these bonds forged with you all have blossomed over this period. esp in the case of MC, i really didnt forsee this. lols. but it doesnt matter. what matters is that it blossomed well. (: same thing for MATT. well, i wouldnt say that we've really bonded alot through this process. but i guess the outcome was also surprising for me ba. at least u managed to better that not-so-good impression i had of u. xDxD

i guess that's all for my team. love'ya! <3

of course, there's still one person who's key behind our sweet success.

MS HAZEL!

thanks for being there all this while, helping us achieve our EEE! hahs. more importantly, thanks for those sacrifices made. esp when u came back to sch aft ur tuition just to help us vet our WR for that one last final time. it wasnt expected of you. it wasnt part of your job, but u still gladly came back for us. for that, thank you. same goes for those super late nights u've spent looking through WRs, OP slides, GPPs, I&Rs, EOMs, and what not. seriously,

BIG THANK YOU! o-(^.^)-o

nnd of course, those encouragements u gave, and those inspirations. perhaps those were not related to PW, but u were still there to cheer us on to keep our morale and spirits high. (: i've learnt many life lessons from you. nnd who knows? i might just become ur colleague some day? xDxD

&& my class. 0912! as i was saying, we've bonded. we've fought and forged together. nnd it clearly shows we can actually put aside our differences and push forward. TOGETHER AS ONE. nnd i guess its apparent, that with our efforts combined and with our hearts united, we're capable of being perhaps the best class.

during the process, i guess the closest group to us was the coral reefers (turquoise reefers, if they prefer). perhaps coz we both had the same goals in mind, since the start of the process. nnd that made us work so closely together. i remember those times, they helped with our WR formatting, nnd we helped them back. those times we helped with their props, and they helped us back. those time we accompanied each other out for dinner, or to stay back in school for additional rehearsals. i guess what was special for me, was the bond between our 2 groups. i mean, why would any random person want to stay in school late, just to look at the other group do their work? when we did our rehearsals late in school, the reefers were there to help. when they stayed for the presentation slides, we were there to support. nnd i guess its this special bond, that allowed for this to happen. but nonetheless, i'd stil want to thank the reef team, for being there for us all these while. (: THANKS!

i wouldnt say excatly the same for the other teams - the games group, music group, and korean group. for its a fact that we really arent as close. but anyways, you all were still there when we needed you. so were we! xDxD those time spent doing rehearsals after rehearsals, changing powerpoint slides time and again, correcting speeches over and over. i guess that's a whole lot of quality time spent together. nnd of course, for some of us. those meal times, those slackking times. to just put it simply, THANKS & I LOVE YOUS! ^^

0912 is L-O-V-E-D! <3
let's hope this lasts! (:

2009-11-09T23:46:00.001+08:00

i guess i spent my day quite well today. kinda enjoyed and savoured these very last moments of PW. well, its gna be over soon. a pity and a joy. hahs. let's all chiong for OP tmr! let's go people! let's go 0912!

2009-11-08T18:47:00.004+08:00

lols. dunno why. sometimes will have the temptation to blog. but another moment, its gone.

anws, random thought. (perhaps not very random)

gain it if you want it.

hahs. glad to see 0912 really bonding together thru this course of OP. hopefully all these bonds last. shall go to sch tmr. for the very last day of PW preparation. thn its time! yes, its time to say THE END to PW on tues.

well, shall end here for now.

GOOD LUCK TO ALL THOSE HAVING OP TMR! JIAYOUS!

2009-11-08T01:39:00.004+08:00

信任。能快速失去；但不能快速找到。

我好痛苦!
someone, please save me. at least pull me up from here. =X

2009-11-05T23:55:00.003+08:00

dont toy with my trust. this im warning you.

i seriously dont know what to say. i dont know how to feel. i dont know. perhaps theres no word tt can describe what im feeling now. its not easy to forgive and forget. at least not that easy to be done that quickly. sighs~ i need that ear real soon. else im gna collaspe or explode real soon. =X

2009-11-04T22:57:00.003+08:00

sometimes, i just cant stand it. i may be helpful. i may be cheery. i may appear so ever-willing to give in. but i have feelings too. have you ever noticed?

hahs. not time to emo now. hahs. have to stay happy! ^^ mus 'enjoy' the last few days of PW. hahs. its just that 6 more days. i have to agree with jj n mc. PW has brought 0912 closer together. im actually quite surprised n touched. to see how much we are willing to help each other. how much we are actually hlping each other now. so, for now, let's all jiayous tgt! let's go 0912! let's go everyone!

shall be helping around again tmr. but of course, nidda settle my own stuff 1st. nnd my current task: help adrian with his speech n presentation. followed by reefer's presentation. go reefers! jiayous! (: then after we help you, it'll be your turn! xDxD

2009-11-04T01:26:00.002+08:00

urgh! im losing it. =X

anws, stayed back to help with coral reef's OP. lols. see! we so good! lols. hahs. yepps. all the best for tmr! u all sure can anchor tt A de! jiayous! same goes for music grp! all e way!

presented today. along with games grp. well done to all! let's all gear towards that A! jiayous everyone! jiayous 0912!

2009-11-02T21:01:00.004+08:00

thats the problem with procrastinating. when it just comes back at you, you have nothing to fall back on. maybe its time to face the fact, or was there even a fact to face in the first place? it just kills me, to have someone running at my back. it just kills me, when no one understands. it just kills me, having to repeat time and again. gahhh. =X

by the way, i think i screwed my chinese today.

2009-10-24T23:15:00.003+08:00

lols. havent blogged for some time. was busy with WR. thankfully its done. jus nw printed out in sch. yepps, i guess i can call it quality work.

much has happened recently. not that is WOW-ing. but its WOW! lols. i also dk wad im talking about. first n foremost, thanks to all for your wonderful belated birthday gifts. wana post the picts up. but not now i guess. coz im jus recovering from my fatigue due to WR.

thanks to miaochun, jiajin, shilin, yinkee, shermane for the tee hahs. i hope i din thank the wrong ppl. lols.
of course, how can i forget the handmade boards made by weizhen n jiayi. the boards were. WOW. hahs. i din noe i looked so good until i got ur boards. xDxD u must have had a good time doing it eh? xDxD lols. anws, i appreciate it. looks great. nnd i can feel ur efforts put in (: though there was abit of suanning in the boards. lols =X weizhen, lucky u nvr round my head. coz i like the spiky hair. xDXD nnd jiayi, ur message. instead of being touching, its kinda hillarious (oops.).
thanks weizhen, jiayi n adrian once again for the tazmanian devil, the bottle plus set of weisiangs. =X omg. i dun wan so many weisiangs surronding me when i sleep. ltr he rape me! xDxD list of names will be uploaded soon coz its stil unconfirmed. lols.

anws, thats about all for this yrs birthday ba.

shall move on to the not-so-happy stuff. yes, promos results.
got the papers back yesterday. well, shocking results. some for the good, some for the bad. underperformed i'd say. coz i scored worse this time, compared to mid years. nnd guess what, 0912's being ranked the last overall. zzzzz. its like. omfg?! i hope i'll be able to promote... got my 2h2s n 1h1. but overall, idk. so time will tell.

not really in the mood to blog now. coz damn tired. worked to hell for my WR. but thankfully,
i finished my WR (:

2009-10-20T19:11:00.007+08:00

i guess things arent as easy as it seems in today's society. in today's world. we live in a complicated world. nnd that's what we have to live with. all those 'daily inference lessons' with adr has certainly made me grow. or actually, i know them. just that im too simplistic to not take a good notice at them.

i see people around me troubled. with relationships, friendships, family, and of course, promos results. even myself, sometimes, im bothered by these problems too. with growing number of occurences these days. but really, this is how we come out stronger. so hey guys, let's not worry or be troubled too much. everything's gna be fine!

anws, adrian made me an orange bday board. belated, but still, its the sincerity that counts. lols. i saw the effort put in.

THANKS BUDDY! (:

i tink i kinda screwed their last min plan to get my prezzie i guess. oops! =X coz i tagged along with adrian. zzz. i seriously din noe laa. i tot it was jus jy n wz. coz jy say they gna print the picts for my board aft sch. wadeva the case, everything felt damn weird on the way backk. but nonetheless, managed to put that aside for that moments. nnd jus took it like i din noe anyth at all. but sometimes, im not as naïve as i seem. xDxD

there's bound to be huge surprises n disappointments soon. within this week, and next. of course, with the most hoo-ha-s coming on fri nnd on the 16th of nov. worried as i am, but i guess the feeling's mutual. i worry for myself. but also, for my friends. my closer ones, most importantly. perhaps they may not be thinking about me at all, but i still worry for all of us. ~~"we came to NY together, and we shall promote as one."~~ this was what kept me going throughout my promos. but im afraid, this may not be true. no sarcarsm intended here, nor any curse intended. but there's bound to be some of us who'll fail to go up together. who knows? perhaps i might be the unlucky one. i'll miss those happy times together. but really, who says we cant have fun together in future if we arent promoted this year?

come on people, no point being emo. at least not for now. not for the promos results, for its already over. not for you relationships, for there's nothing u can do about it. not for your friendships, for true friends will stick by, no matter what. not for your family, coz everything will be ok eventually.

yes people! cheer up! let's reach out for those big big smiles! SMILE! (:

2009-10-19T21:34:00.004+08:00

gosh! i look like a big red lobster now laaa! skin tone's damn damn damn uneven. my forearm. one side black. flip over. so white =S my upper arm half black half white. gahhhhhhhhhh! sobbx. to think i was still complaining i din get tanned tdy. sighs...

had class outing at sentosa today. pathetic 13 people turned up. ok. it isnt as pathetic. but i expected a little bit more ba.

those who turned up today...
samyy.shilin.xinyu.kaihwee.shermane.jiajin.miaochun.
roy.yunsheng.me.kaiting.carmel.veron

overall. had fun. i loved the ball games part most. hahs. grr... anws, u noe sth.. i bought 24 donuts. nnd i tink the ants fed on like 8 of them?! grr... but anws, we still swallowed them. so if tmr we food poisoning. we all know why. lols!

went down to the sea. damn salty. damn dirty. somehow, my tee n pants got stained by some black substance tt cnt be removed.. sighs~ i think is the seaweed. lols.

well, tink i gtg for now. hahs. shall upload the pictures nxt time. coz my laptop isnt working with me ><

2009-10-17T21:41:00.003+08:00

lols. went back school for PW tdy. just the 3 of us. MC, matt n me. hahs. coz we settling the GOI linkage part mah. do damnnnn long la.. i tink the whole aftnn. but i tink we've finaly got it covered. will be waiting for the other parts to come soon. i hope i get them on time. hahs. i guess i will de ba. since i put so much emphasis on the deadline. lols. but anws, shall see tmr lo.

went to J8 jus nw. saw mc's sis. lols. looks damn diff la. but her sis rly dun look sec 2. oops. but anws. yepps.

seems like all groups are having big probs with their WR. all nid to edit n chiong in this 3 days. but hey! don't give up! we know we've put in effort. nnd we'll definitely reap rewards for it, one way or another! jiayous people! (: all the wayyyyyy! (:

yes. we're tired of PW. zzz.

2009-10-16T22:34:00.003+08:00

sighs. spent one day in school. PW-ing one whole day. was a dramatic day. at least it seems to be, both on the outside, and on my inside. but well, i guess its over now. (: so no point brooding over it so much.

shall end my post here. off to do my I&R.

but before i go off,

THANKS TO ESTELLE, YILING, ELLIN & LEIYI for the present! (;

2009-10-15T20:21:00.004+08:00

woah. stayed at home for the whole day. kinda revamped my room ba. hahs. packed up all my messy tables. my messy computer table. study desk (which was never treated like a study desk before). nnd the old computer table-turned chapalang table. lols! nnd of course, my cupboards. didnt rly pack all of them. but at least i managed to sort n group them accordingly. though im quite sure it'll get messy very soon. but yea. at least its neater now (:

its back to sch tmr. mixed feelings i'd say. i miss those carefree times. esp those after o's. we could play our heads off like no one's business. but this time its oni 3 days. nnd worse still. its hell-lot of stress upon returning to school. but oh well. i chose this route.

perhaps you werent

even lost in the first place.

just perhaps.

2009-10-14T23:36:00.011+08:00

woohoos~ went out with clique tdy! had a fun fun outing! =D went to settler's cafe @ SMU. the place was well. quiet. (when we first entered)

the stupid female 'waitress'. walao. give attitude laaa... c'mon.. we customers can? -.- but ok la. it wasnt really that bad. hahs.i tink i practically played taboo the WHOLE duration there. lols. ok. there was jus some moments we played murderer n the animal sound game. but apart frm that. it was mainly jus TABOO! lols! still it was damnn funn! =D hahs. nnd i guess we simply made a fool out of ourselves. making soooooooooo much noise. i tink all the other customers n staff were quite irritated. =X oops.

anws, seriously had fun la. =) nnd thanks to all! =) for preparing the special belated birthday 'celebration'! =)
LOVE YOU ALL LOTSSSS!
hope i dun get poisoning frm the candle wax. hahs! lols. xDxD
anws, from the bottom of my heart.

THANKS. (:

wanted to post the pictures. but stupid blogger is taking ages to upload one single photo. so.. go facebook see ba. lols.

quite tired now. nnd emotionally rather unstable. =X sighs~ so.. ciaos peeps! (: let's have more fun soon! =D

i have no rights.

i have no say.

but i long for your return one day.
the sooner. the better.

2009-10-14T08:51:00.002+08:00

the higher the expectations; the greater the fall.
the lower the expectations; the less painful the fall.

anws. made this new blogskin. hahs. seems like it looks quite fresh. hahs. spent one whole day yst to make it. until abt 1 plus plus. hahs. but in the evening went to cut hair la. so nt too bad. lols. guess this skin should stay on for some time. unless got any violent condemnations or wadsoeva. lols. anws, people, comment on the skinn!! =D

gg outt to settler's ltr. hopefully there's space. nnd we have our fill of fun! lols. alrights. time to prepare~ =D

ciaos peeps! teehees~ =P

2009-10-12T22:40:00.003+08:00

finally! promos is over! oooooohhhhh yea! ^^ well, havent had a smooth journey for this promos. with those 'illnesses' n wadeva crappish type of questions u can get. but nonetheless, its OVER! yes. O-V-E-R! OVER! woohs~

went backk to nchs to hlp out with night study tdy. though i tink i spent the whole duration there talking to leroy n yeeteng. hahs. but it was still entertaining la. i tinkk. hahs. leroy's very similar to me? hmm.. perhaps. hahs. perhaps tts why he's my xiiaodii as well. lols. wondering to go back tmr anot. but well, we shall see hw ba =D

for now, let me jus savour the sweetness of the end of promos. before i get back my depressing results nxt wk =S lols.

so look on the bright side for now. (:

people, let's hang out nnd

CELEBRATE! =D

2009-10-09T21:42:00.002+08:00

promos are nearing the end. like FINALLY! hahs. i guess i dun rly have the rights to say this? given the fact that, hey, I DIDNT GIVE MY BEST SHOT FOR SOME OF THE PAPERS SO FAR.. =( but nonetheless, i believe i'll get my deserving results. or will i? anws, i guess i'll have to thank my mid yr n lect tests results, coz they've indeed gave me some morale booster. esp when i feel like i screwed certain papers. at least i have some backing up.

damn tired these days. i seem to be sleeping more. nnd getting more tired.. perhaps i shud start sleeping a little less. hahs! but i wan my healthy body ok... >< hahs. went pizza hut n roamed hougang tdy. hahs. met with some weird n awkward events. but lazy to elab. hahs. so...

ciaos peeps! but i'll be back. soon.

2009-10-05T20:25:00.002+08:00

hahs. tdy was kinda screwed. econs was... damn irritating! coz i bloody spotted the right questions. jus tt i din prepare for it well. nnd of course, din have enough time! =( so, i guess there's no such thing as birthday luck =X

spent the 4 hours on a 'crash course' for history. i hope it pays off. coz i seriously din write much abt the 3 viewpoints that was mentioned in lecture. =S i brought up the points though.

so in short, tdy is a screwed day! =(

but still, thanks to all who remembered =D
love ya lots!

nnd eh, i wan take more more photos la! xDxD

2009-10-02T20:23:00.002+08:00

wad was tat supposed to mean? a confession? or what? have i hurt u unintentionally? if so, i really apologize. deep down frm my heart. but it seems more like u tink u're hurting me. rest assured, im fine =D as always, best friends+++. teehees~

anws, had GP paper tdy. sucked! ttm! vrawr! >< thn met up with sm n erzi. was kinda sudden. jus felt like meeting them. turned out ok ba. quite pleasant. at least i caught up with them abit. hahs. saw enmin n j.tee too! lols. perhaps j.tee grew taller. lols. anws, yepps, not really in the mood to blog for nw. so...

ciaos~

2009-10-01T20:32:00.002+08:00

c'mon c'mon people!

jiayous for promos!

don't mention it. its my pleasure =)

2009-09-29T20:12:00.002+08:00

tdy's quite a short day. hahs. had my last chinese tutorial with zhou lao shi. m gna miss his stories n fun. but well, its over. but THANKS! really. for making my chinese lessons so interesting, nnd fun! not forgetting to include. DRAMA! lols! shall go find u nxt time for more stories. lols.

had econs lect n math tut tdy. but quite boring. coz like nth much le leh.. its all revision. but still, recapped some theory work la. GP was canceled. so went pepper lunch to eat. felt damn bad if mr nathan had booked out the 3-4pm slot for me. so decided no matter wad also gna go back. irregardless of whether if he has any urgent meetings or not. but thankfully had a successful consultation tdy. lols. i guess it kinda cleared some econs doubts i had ba.

pei-ed adrian wait for his bus 58. see, i so good! hahs. of course, im always good. lols. anws, yepps. peied him wait for his bus... thn aft tt, kinda in a dilemma whether to go hm also, or not. in the end decided to go back school. met estelle. nnd her friend. i got to know one more new friend tdy. her name is idk hw to spell (but its pronounced jie xin) hahs. waited for them finish consultation lo. since i din wan go hm 1st. so meanwhile went self study. ended up chatting with samuel. then pondering over what to do. lols. nnd tada. only managed to read abit on ionic eqm. din even finish the whole notes. lols. nnd off we went. hahs.

nnd i realised a 'phenomenon'. wonder if it happens for the other person too. lols. nnd shud i be happy? or not? hahs. that's for you to find out, if only you can. hahs.

2009-09-28T21:49:00.003+08:00

i hate to admit this. but i jus got to experience this. "inevitability, not coincidence." i guess it's just part of the human condition. part of human life. we all have to experience such 'misfortunes'. but its how we adapt to them that's essential n crucial.

well, guess that's just how im thinking nw. cheer up, those who've been affected. sometimes, this is just life. whatever the case, u'll still have people behind u. u'll still have ur friends around you! =D

but for the short term goal now, let's put these aside. nnd focus on our promos! ^^ let's go people! we can do it!

alrights. back to my day. my keychain broke tdy. early in the morn. as i was locking my house gate. thankfuly i noticed n i wasnt running late. else it'd be GG! hahs. went back home, changed my keychain. nw its black! lols! no longer blue. teehee~

reached school. sat with yiling n her friend. thn slowly, one by one. the table was taken up by 0912 peeps. lols. sry ahma n friend. xDxD

ms raj was on MC tdy. so GP period was converted to free period. spent the time doing vectors. nnd hell, i made tonnes of careless mistakes. AGAIN! come on. i'm starting to get pissed by all those foolish mistakes! urgh! worst still. i dont know what's the source of these blunders. zzz.

went for chem lect. super boring!! i dont tink i learnt anything new frm tdy's lecture. have i? ohh.. i did... i learnt that vapour pressure is the pressure exerted by vapour. sighs~ guess i became a 3 year old for that instant. hahs!

submitted EOM tdy. its unlike PI, there's no heavy burden off my shoulder. =X

tdy's chem tutorial was damn useful! did some revision. nnd yepps. i benefitted from it. lols.

PE was cancled. so went library with adrian wait for econs consultation with mr nathan. sadly, he had some meeting last minute. so.. its postponed to tmr.

actually, i also dk why im bloggin such a dumb dumb post. but i guess its just my hands itchy la. hahs.

nnd oh ya. adrian's trying to make me explode. but one piece of advice here: don't have to try. coz it isnt gna happen. at least not for now! =D teehee~

2009-09-27T13:31:00.002+08:00

aww.. apparently my guilt isnt doing me any favour. i still cnt seem to focus. come on come on. its just another 4more days. urgh!

i must promote. i will promote. i nidda promote. i must promote. i will promote. i nidda promote. i must study. i will study. i nidda study. gahhhh!

2009-09-24T23:47:00.002+08:00

urgh. failed 2 papers today. one was the GP block test. another was the mock math paper. well. first the mock paper. it isnt really a fail la. i mean, i wasnt really marking it. jus agaring the marks. after all. the answer key isnt 100% right. is it?
GP was a horrible mess. my clean sheet is now blotted with a dot of red. =( sighs~ i've failed my first GP test. for the first time in 9months. to think i actually thought of keeping a clean sheet up till promos at least. but well... i've tried my best.

ransacked my hse for a pouch jus nw. nnd chanced over my 2-drawer-full of presents i received frm friends for the past 4 years. didnt really look through them all one by one. but i read those farewell cards n notes frm my little juniors. well, i guess it came at the right time? not that i can feel them beside me. behind me now. but i guess it did help lift my spirits up a little. speaking of it. i really really miss those times in ELD. no doubt, i wana see them thankful, but not expressing it out once more.

its down to 6days to promos. in another few hours time. i guess all i can do, is to really push forward n go full speed ahead. but thing is, have i already maxed out my limits? well, that' for me to ponder =D

meanwhile, jiayous everyone!

nnd HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHNG YI KAI! =D

2009-09-23T20:37:00.002+08:00

irritating math paper -.- damn tough la. ok. wasnt exactly that tough. but its really that tough. ok. idk wad im talking either. basically, the math mock was kinda screwed. period.

okays. had terrible stomachache tdy. dk what the hell for. nnd im guessing its coz of the stupid math. coz after the math, everything's wayyyy better. argh. wadeva la. lols.

promo's in another 7days time. =( very very scared.. more likely. stressed. argh. im kinda lost now. dk where to begin. help me. someone help me..

2009-09-19T23:15:00.002+08:00

well. first thing for this post. sorry to anyone and everyone whom i've offended (of course, unintentionally) for the past few days. idk. just the paranoia. so maybe im being oversensitive here. AGAIN.

ok. back to my main post. went back to sch for chem tdy. damn irritating. woke up many times yst coz of some dream. i cnt rmb wad exactly it was. jus tt it has some link to msn. irritating msn! anws, finally managed to get some sleep aft 3 plus. sighs~ woke up at 7 i tink. wanted to prepare for tdy. but felt damn damn damn tired then. nnd i tot its still abit early. so... went back to bed. nnd i jumped out damn damn damn late. at 948am! wth! seriously. i rushed down like dk wad. with my shoes untied. nnd worst. i ran across the road. in search for taxis. finally got one. but the dumb dumb driver almost drove me to NYP. i wanted to go NYJC!! JC!! corrected him. nnd there we went. he din noe where exactly NYJC was. nnd i din noe which turn to take also. so that being the case. he took a turn. but i tot it was the wrong one. so forget it. i told him. nnd i went off. nnd ran to sch. reached class at 1005. sighs~ thankfully, and sadly. thankful coz i wasnt too late. sad coz i spent 4.40 on the cab fare. =(

learnt organic chem tdy. i tink i noe organic chem now. =D yays! ltr gna do some rev. dk wad subjs to do though. hahs.

jus finished with printing out the chem extra revision stuff. nnd my eom. so i guess its now time for work! jiayous (to me n everyone)! let's all get promoted tgt! =D

2009-09-18T21:14:00.002+08:00

my presentation is over! hahs. after one week of over-worrying. its finally over. kinda felt the heat today. esp when rehearsals started at 1. nnd mr wong looked even more stressed than us. lols! had fun today i'd say. i mean, the presentation wasnt bad. (: got to interact with the SC ppl tdy. i mean, of course la. i was like the only filmart out of the big sea of 32nd SC ppl. nnd yepps, its a good time to interact! =D esp aft missing out on the dialogue session.

ok. following the NC juniors for their tour was a total WRONG thing to do. its damn damn gang-ga. =X nnd i tink i kinda disrupted kangliang's n the SC's plans for them? (im really sorry if i did.=X) idk. or mayb its my over-sensitivity AGAIN? hahs. left halfway though, coz yepps. the gang-ga-ness was kinda overpowering. lols.

hahs. hope can become OGL nxt yr. but before that, do well in promos first! lets go people! jiayous!

2009-09-14T23:37:00.000+08:00

today isnt the best of start for a term. no, not by being unable to find that dumb pigeon hole. no, not by starting off with a bad presentation. no, not by being shunned for no bloody freakkin reason. no, not by failing to catch any part of the lecture.
well, i guess the only consolation is by understanding chem tutorial today. nnd helping with math nnd abit of econs.

not in the best of moods today. that's confirmed. hopefully everything will be better tmr. =D

2009-09-14T01:38:00.003+08:00

really. can things get any worse? i've basically done nothing for the hols. nope. not done chem. not finished math. not revised econs. not touched history (until nw). what have i been doing? let's see. shall i say. i dont know as well? its a holiday wasted. nnd i mean literally. in the past, i wouldnt have thought so. but now, i seriously m thinking this whole week's a goner. perhaps its my coming to JC that have changed my mindset. well, im pretty sure it is. well, just here to blabber n rant. still nidda finish my hist. at least up till 2-7. 3 more qns to go... jiayous!

to all my friends, especially my dearests, dont give up! its a crucial period now. no matter what happens, you can always find aid from me (: i'll try my best to help. so dun give up, yea? all the way!! (: jiayou! we can do it!

2009-09-11T01:01:00.002+08:00

hahs. today (yesterday, rather) havent rly been productive. spent abit of time on slackking via pinballing n solitareing n uno-ing. ok. its damn lame. but that's exactly what a bored man will do. find something. anything to occupy himself with. =X was supposed to do some hw tdy. be it revision of holi hw. but apparently i din complete any. =X

woke up at ard 11 plus. lai chuang-ed until 1115. finally woke up nnd felt like gg for haircut (actually have been longing for one for some time alr. xDxD) so went for haircut. bad experience today. had my ear cut instead of hair cut. =X sobbx... lose so much blood. but well, i know he din mean it la. at least i could see he was really sorry abt it. =S hmm.. am i being too forgiving here? hahas. but anws, its over. so wun think abt the matter so much. unless of course, something bad happens to me due to the cut. nnd. my hair looked weird after the cut. =X but anws, went home. saw jk on my way home.. hmm wonder wad he's doing ard my area.. xDxD summore jus coming out of my block. lols! but kinda weird la. he wore quite smartly, but carrying a large sports bag like the vballers carry. anws, yepps. went home. bathed. nnd simply lost the mood to study =X

played some game. nnd started with some chinese. but gave up since i wasnt there when zhou laoshi went thru tt parag. was out for some reason which i forgot. hahs. went on to chem. but damn it~! i accidentally tore my notes. luckily it wasnt alot. so reprinted them. nnd recopied them. thn lost the mood AGAIN. or should i say. the mood wasnt even around to begin with. =X

slackked until night. finally had abit of mood. forced study mood. but still study mood. so tried doing the econs. it's kinda killer. ok. actually it isnt. just tt i din have the confidence. that's all. but now its ok alr. (: jus tt i still get stuck quite often. completed case study part a n b for now. hoping to go on to part c. but i cnt do alr. coz my answer's gna be tooooooooooooooo long if i were to elaborate everyth. so shall see wad i can summarise. hahs.

hoping to finish econs n math revision tmr. thn its gna be GP n hist on sat. nnd chem n CL on sun. nnd im done! hahs. abit impossible though. my timetables are ~~always never~~ rarely followed. so well, that's abt all! bloggedfor the sake of blogging. coz jus felt like doing so! hahs.

alrights, back to abit more work. nnd SLEEP! hahs. nnd one more thing, stayHEALTHY! nnd for those sick, getWELLsoon! ^^

2009-09-08T19:50:00.002+08:00

gosh. im feeling damn beat. =X tired ttm. went home. helped iAD korkor (ok. i srsly have no idea why im caling him korkor. but i guess he shall stay my korkor for some time.. =S) scan in his WR. let him have a happy time at his chalet. see i so good! =D hahs. he deserved it la. i tink.

anws, wanted to go downstairs for an evening jog. but coz the scanning took up more time thn expected. so no run for me. =S

i guess its about time i learnt to either force myself n push myself further. or to let go. =X im somehow in the middle of nowhere nw. nnd i guess its time for me to decide. yet i cant come to any decision. someone. help me! =X

2009-09-07T18:25:00.000+08:00

stupid blogger is down again! =( wanted to blog initially. but i guess i'll give up. the formatting is seriously haywire. so messy that i lost my mood to blog. =S

2009-09-04T23:47:00.003+08:00

got back my papers today. passed. but well. borderline passes. thn again, at least its a pass =D

did the personality test tdy. the one adr recommended. nnd yesh! im ORANGE!
i love ORANGE! (i mean the colour)
other orange personalities include jiayi. hahs. there she was. being so surprised to have the same personality as me. lols. yes jiayi, i've got the same personality as u. nnd yes. this is probably one of the reasons why we could think so similarly for the past 5 years and counting.
adrian n weizhen was green. adrian confirm la. clearly green. but thn wz one nt 100% sure. since she was quite close to yellow as well. hahs. but nonetheless, she's yellow-green for nw.

stayed for night study with wz, jy, ws n samuel. its was damn fun! nnd productive. (i feel.) so let's go for study groups tgt soon again! this time get adrian, chinpei n zongying also =D heehees.

lols. i also dk wad to blog about now. hahs. seems like nothing much for the day. apart from the oh-so-silly things jy did n said tdy. hahs!
oops.

2009-09-03T21:24:00.005+08:00

being selfish is not a crime. being selfish is not wrong. being selfish is just an in-built component of everyone's life. so, be a little more selfish(in order not to get taken advantaged of.). yes. i need to. it only applies to me. NOT others! heehee!

thanks estelle.

2009-09-02T23:28:00.001+08:00

my 300th post! yays! hahs. well, i also dk why it became 300. i always thought i celebrated my 300th post before n m waiting for the 500th. went for twentyfour award ceremony tdy. was kinda lame. jus watched the winning entries (total less thn 20mins i tink). nnd saw them take their awards. listened to some speeches. total waste of time. nonetheless, i tink the winning entries were deserving ba. although i thought the St Anthony's should have got into top 3, Bukit View should've won. but oh well. hahs.

thn went back to sch to collect the LTC consent form. zzz. stayed in school for night study awhile. (though i din rly study much) but the atmosphere was really quite study-ish ba. it kinda triggered abit of my study mood.

well, nw nidda chiong out my chem n math. ahhhh. im gg crazy soon. nnd gosh. im 30 days away from promos! =X everyone lets all jiayou!